The Gardener’s Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy Kids
Posted on April 12, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
With spring now fully upon us in the northeast, small green things are finally poking up through the earth. Only weeks ago, our world was still shrouded in the remnants of winter’s wrath; but now the neighborhood lawns are covered in blankets of brilliantly blue Siberian Squill – a hardy, little flower that transforms even the dullest yard into a faerie wonderland.
Such is the magic of flowers. The have the ability to brighten any space, whether they have been nurtured in a luxurious greenhouse or struggled to emerge through a crack in the sidewalk. They inspire us to pause in our daily round and drink in the miraculous beauty that is around us. The first flowers of spring – crocus, tulips, snowdrops, and daffodils – these are also harbingers of hope, of light after the darkness.
Children are like that, too.
And so, though I am hardly a master gardener, I could not help but see the similarities between what it takes to raise strong and thriving plants and what it takes to raise happy, healthy children. What they need from us – as gardeners or parents – is actually quite similar.
Create the right environment
To start with, you need to create a space that is nurturing. You must prepare the soil – loosening it to let it breathe, pulling out any rocks, tilling it through with nutrient-rich food so that it will provide all the sustenance young things need.
Encourage strong roots
More important than what grows above the ground, is what grows beneath. Making sure that the roots run deep and wide will give young seedlings the foundation they need to stand tall and firm in later years.
Give all things in moderation
Water, sunshine, and fertilizers are all important to growth, but can be harmful if given in excess. Do not over-indulge your charges. Nourish them generously, but avoid a heavy hand.
Provide the right supports
Some growing things need a little extra support as they climb towards the sun and grow into themselves. Know what kind of support you need to provide – a stake, lattice, or a single thread. Tailor the support to the need and know when it is time to let the youngster grow on its own.
Keep weeds to a minimum
Aggressive and invasive weeds can choke out other living things, clutching at their roots, draining the soil of life-giving richness, blocking out the sun. Make sure to keep weeds in check – always digging them out earlier rather than later. Emerging weeds are much easier to remove than mature ones.
Talk and listen
The most beautiful flowers are the ones who have been nurtured not only with sun and rain, but with the gift of conversation. Listen to growing things and offer words of encouragement and support. Do not judge their progress, but tell them you believe in them. Whisper sweet nothings every day.
Be patient
Patience is more than a virtue for a gardener. It is a way of life. Everything blooms in its own time. Don’t rush the process. Don’t fret if it takes longer than you expected. Just watch quietly and continue to offer your love and support. One day, you will wake to find a surprise that will be more beautiful for all the waiting.
Value hardiness
Though part of you may want to keep your young seedlings under a glass dome like Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s little prince, do not. The best gift you can give is the gift of hardiness – of being able to survive and thrive on their own, even when the environment is not perfect, even when they may have to wait a long while for sunshine and water, even when they don’t have the benefit of your kind words.
Look beyond the names and pedigree to see the beauty of the individual
All flowers are beautiful, but each is uniquely so. Treasure each blossom for its own perfection. Do not get caught in the trap of measuring against a standard. Though other blossoms may be bigger, brighter, or sweeter, even the tiniest, most humble flower has a special magic – the magic to make us stop in our tracks so that we can enjoy the fragrance and brilliance of this small, perfect piece of the universe.
Image Credit: Kelly Cookson
Evolution of a friendship
Posted on September 29, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie
Make new friends, but keep the old – one is silver and the other is gold.
Last week’s discussions about moms helping moms and the sisterhood of motherhood got me thinking about the way that relationships evolve over time.
Every relationship changes with the passage of time – whether romantic or platonic, familial or professional. Even our relationships with ourselves change – hopefully growing to embody acceptance, respect, and love.
Perhaps our relationships with our children are the ones that change more dramatically than any other. While relationships with lovers may wax and wane, and relationships with friends come and go; our relationships with our children adapt endlessly as we – and they – grow older. My relationship with my parents has reinvented itself so many times that I can’t keep count. As an infant and very young child, I knew no other love; as I grew older, I discovered other loves which unfortunately drove wedges between me and my parents; as I grew older still, I began to appreciate everything my parents had done for me and held them in a new respect – seeing them more as peers than parents; today, now a mother myself, our relationship has deepened once more because of the many shared experiences that now exist between us.
I can’t help but wonder how my relationship with my own daughter will evolve. I imagine that we will have rough spots, but hope that we will eventually have a relationship that goes beyond the mother/daughter dynamic into the realm of best friends.
What about you?
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Please tell me that wasn’t MY kid
Posted on August 25, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie
Let’s face it, kids do some pretty embarrassing things. In addition to having under-developed internal censors, many of them seem keen to make their parents squirm. They also have absolutely no grasp on the concept of political correctness and are liable to blurt out their unadulterated opinion on anything at any time.
For instance, my daughter has no qualms about pointing out overweight strangers and commenting on their “chubbiness.” She’s also prone to loudly sharing insightful bits of her internal monologue … like the time we were in the dressing room at a local department store and she asked, rather loudly, “Mommy, if you take your bra off, will your bubbies hang way down?”
Another consistent source of embarrassment (when she learns to read, she’ll undoubtedly want to kill me for publishing this) is her incurable fascination with bodily functions – primarily what we call “foofing.” This angelic-looking child can clear a room in sixty seconds flat … on demand. What’s worse, she’s doesn’t even try for subtlety. Oh, no. She announces and then narrates the entire event – making sure that all present were able to fully appreciate the magnitude of her ability. Honestly, I thought only boys did things like that!
The next time your kids do something that makes you want to crawl under the table, try not to get too hung up on it. As I see it, there are three possible silver linings to each and every embarrassing situation:
1. The experience gives you one more way to bond with your mom friends. Only they will fully appreciate the depth of your mortification.
2. In the long run, the really good stories will become family folklore – to be retold and relived every holiday season. There’s nothing like a tradition based on personal humiliation.
3. You could win a boat-load of money on America’s Funniest Home Videos
Whatever mischief your kids get into, don’t feel too bad. There’s always someone else with a worse horror story than yours. And that’s part of what makes motherhood so fun, right? I mean, what other vocation provides an unlimited supply of awkward moments that you can laugh about later?
What’s your most embarrassing moment with the kids? How about when you were a kid – did you ever embarrass your mom?
Proud Mama
Posted on August 11, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie
Some of the most heart-burstingly poignant motherhood moments are borne out of the immense pride our children can inspire. Whether it’s a matter of first steps, good grades, sports acumen, or a particularly sweet expression of affection or empathy; when our kids do something to make us proud, we can’t help but share how we feel about it.
It has always amazed me how hours (even days) of conflict and strife can suddenly dissolve in a wave of warm and fuzzy feelings when my daughter does something to make me proud. Although I glow with admiration when she accomplishes some physical feat (she’s particularly into cart wheels at the moment), it’s her occasional tenderness that gets me the most choked up.
My daughter is typically what you might call … um … a “diva.” She’s 5 ½ years-old going on 15, full of attitude and chutzpah, and as likely to give you an eye roll as a smile. It’s partly because of this bravado-laden veneer that her expressions of caring are so touching.
We recently traveled north to New Hampshire where, among other adventures, we explored Lost River. The self-guided tour consisted of a leisurely boardwalk stroll punctuated by a series of natural, glacial caves. Successful passage through the dauntingly tight cave quarters requires feats of near contortionism. This is all well and good for a small child, but not so easy for a full-sized and claustrophobic mother.
Three-quarters of the way through the ordeal, my daughter’s tenderness nearly brought me to tears. All along the way, I’d been offering her words of support and encouragement (she was a little unsure of the dark, damp spaces). When we reached the aptly named “Lemon Squeezer,” however, it was she who suddenly came to my aid – calling over her shoulder, “Come on mom, you can do it. It’s ok. Don’t be scared.” Did I mention what a great kid I have? Wow.
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What moments of pride have your kid(s) given you? Don’t hold back – we know there’s a lot to brag about.
No one ever told me …
Posted on July 30, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie
There is so much about parenting that’s impossible to understand until you’re in the middle of it. When I announced my pregnancy, friends with kids of their own were bursting to share their experiences and well-intentioned advice. I bravely heard all kinds of birth stories, listened apprehensively to laments of never-ending sleep deprivation, was slightly horrified by overly graphic tales involving diaper explosions and projectile vomiting, and felt a warm and fuzzy feeling growing in my heart as my friends talked about those amazing first words and first steps.
But there were some things that seem to have gotten lost in the mix. For instance, no one told me that the average child is born with a strange compulsion to put things up his nose. And no one enlightened me about the joys of playgroup politics. Until I was pulling away from the hospital for the first time after my daughter’s birth, I had no idea how heart-stoppingly frightening the simple act of driving could become.
What surprised you most about motherhood? What were the most and least pleasant surprises? Do you try to enlighten other parents-to-be (or those with kids younger than yours)about what to expect, or do you prefer to sit back and see what happens as they make these discoveries for themselves?
