Things I will miss when my babe is grown

Posted on February 7, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

My “baby” turned eight years old three weeks ago. After enduring months of pleading, I conceded and let her get her ears pierced. She was a champ – didn’t even flinch. I, on the other hand, held my breath and had to fight back a few tears. I didn’t expect a superficial rite of passage to affect me so deeply – especially not one that takes place at a mall kiosk amidst a river of strangers with muffled pop music playing in the background. But where we were didn’t matter; I was still struck to the core by how quickly my daughter is growing up. At eight years old she is probably already savvier than I was at twelve.

I know it won’t be long before she begins to refuse kisses goodbye at school and holding hands in public. From there, it’s only a matter of time and she’ll be asking to borrow the car keys and go on dates. For now, though, we still have many mother-daughter rituals and traditions that are close in my heart. For now, I treasure her funny little habits and the way she looks at the world. For now, I can still share those random moments where she lets down her guard and is the little girl again.

Because I know these moments are fleeting, I wanted to take a moment to capture some of the things that I know I will miss when my baby is grown. Some will linger longer than others and some have already faded. I know there will be other moments to share and new facets to our relationship, but these things I will always remember and treasure. These are the things that I will remind her of when she is grown and home for a visit or bringing her fiancé to dinner.

Things I will miss when my babe is grown:

The way she slept – nestled into my neck, smelling of baby sweetness and lavender lotion, her little legs splayed out like a tiny frog across my chest

The way she looks, even now, when she is asleep with her arms curled tightly around her favorite stuffed animals and her face in deep repose

The impish grin she wore as a toddler – sparkling eyes flashing at me from behind wayward curls as she challenged me to outmaneuver her latest exploit

The charmingly mispronounced words – “aminals” and “You Nork”

Endless bedtime stories … and games … and cuddles … and whispers in the dark … and feeling her drift off to sleep as I lie beside her

The way she tumbles wildly into my bed on Sunday mornings looking for a “rassle” and hugs

Her proud presentations of handmade gifts – drawings and paintings and popsicle stick sculptures

Her undaunted faith that she can do anything

Singing together in the car

Dancing in the kitchen

Stopping to meet every dog we pass on the street

Waiting with her for Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy

Searching for faeiries in the woods and under the back stairs

The way she runs errands for me at the market – heading out on expeditions in search of fruit chews or granola bars or yogurt

Listening to her read anything aloud

Hearing her singing to herself – in the shower, while she gets dressed for school, while she does her homework, while she plays outside – thinking no one can hear her

The way she stands before me with her arms up and says, “hug – up hug” … even now

Ending each day and every phone call with “I love you – I love you, too”

The incessant “foufing” and burping that sends her into fits of hysterical giggling

Tickle fights

Hearing her call for me in the middle of the night (yes, even that)

The rhythm and routine of our days and nights – a grind at times, but still a comfort

Asking how her day was at the end of school and getting “Oh, fine”

… but then getting a sleepy earful when we’re nestled in her bed after bedtime stories

Bedtime stories – oh, bedtime stories!

Hearing her dreams in the morning.

The way she brings her favorite stuffed animals down to watch TV in the morning

Holding hands

Being able to make you feel better when you’re sick

Cutting the crust off your bread

Making pancakes on Saturday mornings

Long, meandering walks to nowhere in particular

… so may things to miss; so many things to treasure. How lucky am I to have so much love and magic in my life?

Image Credit: Jord and Kels

Never too old to be a princess

Posted on January 31, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

The other day I took my two daughters, ages 12 and 13, to Disney on Ice. It was one of those things I had never been able to get around to when they were younger, and I had always felt a little guilty about that. Bu,t we had the night free so I decided to take them. Better late than never, I figured.

Once we were inside the building, my heart sank. My two girls were among the oldest children there, and everywhere you looked you saw miniature Disney princesses wearing jeweled tiaras and tiny Woodys and Buzz Lightyears from Toy Story. “They’re so cute” my older daughter Addy said, as she looked at all the kids holding their parent’s hands.

My girls are probably too old for this, I thought, as we headed to our seats. Oh man, I blew it this time. There is no bigger parenting mistake a mom can make than to treat a teen like they’re still a little kid. And here I was, making that classic mistake. Sitting next to us was a young mother holding a baby not more than 7 months old in her lap. “Isn’t she a bit young?” Addy whispered to me. “How is she even going to remember this?” Behind us sat another family with a young woman and her friend. We all patiently waited for the show to begin.

The lights dimmed and Mickey and Minnie Mouse came out to begin the performance. I stole quick glances at my daughters. Both were watching the show a little smugly – kind of the way Middle schoolers look at preschoolers in the sandbox. Cute, but I’m too cool to go there.

And then something happened. Between the lights, the Disney characters, and the songs (gotta confess here, I even sang along with a few myself) a little bit of magic happened. The little baby sitting next to us was clapping her hands and laughing at the performers’ antics. The young woman behind us squealed like a fan at a Justin Beiber Concert each time she saw one of her favorite Disney characters, and my girls got quiet, very quiet. They sat and watched the show, hardly breathing, eyes wide.

This was no baby show. This was magic right in front of their eyes.

At one point in the performance, all the Disney Princesses and Princes came out for a love song number. Unable to take it any longer, when my youngest daughter Emma saw her favorite Princess come out she leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed deeply. Since she was three and we had lost her in an amusement park because she wanted to go back and visit Cinderella, Emma has always wanted to be Cinderella. Emma didn’t move during the rest of the number. It was all so beautiful.

At the end of the dance, my daughter looked up at me. “Mom,” she said, “when I get married, I want to have a sparkly dress just like that,” she said, pointing to the light blue Cinderella outfit the skater was wearing.

After the princess number, something released and my girls joined right in. They clapped as hard as the baby did and squealed just like the young woman behind us. They loved the show, laughed at the jokes, were impressed by the athletics, and knew all the songs. Neither of them wanted it to end and like everyone else in the audience were still smiling when they got up from their seats to leave.

“Mom, that was great,” they both said to me as we made our way back to the car. They were still discussing who had the best costumes, what the funniest parts of the show was, and who had the best skating moves, when we walked in our front door.

I had been wrong, so very, very wrong. It doesn’t matter how old you are, Disney is somehow able to perform magic on every kid (and adult.) There is something about seeing the characters you grew up with performing right in front of your eyes that makes you believe in happiness and dreams coming true.

Me, the mother of six, learned a few things about parenting that night, thanks to Disney on Ice. I learned that even though my daughters are both getting older, they’re both really not that far away from being the little kids they were, it seems, just yesterday.

And Disney on Ice and my girls taught me that no matter what how old you are, you’re never, ever too old to want to be a princess.

Wendy Thomas is an award winning journalist, columnist, and blogger who believes that taking challenges in life will always lead to goodness. She is the mother of 6 funny and creative kids and it is her goal to teach them through stories and lessons. Wendy’s current project involves writing about her family’s experiences with chickens (yes, chickens).

What Our Kids Are Missing

Posted on August 9, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

There’s no question. Childhood today is an entirely different experience than what many of us remember from our own youth. The world has changed and so have the trappings and traditions of the young. Today, guest blogger Kate Hayes (aka @bostonblogmom)reflects on the things that her own kids will never experience.

Most of the time, I am amazed at the world that my two kids are growing up in. The type of technology and the amount of information that is literally at their fingertips blows my mind. However, at six and three years old, they don’t really think any of it is such a big deal. It’s all they know. They believe it is totally normal to be able to watch almost any movie they want on demand, with the click of a button. Or to be able to pause and rewind LIVE television. Or to have a little video chat on the phone with their cousins who live across the country. Are you kidding me?? In the world I grew up in, a mere thirty years ago, that kind of stuff was “Back to the Future” sci-fi! I still can’t believe we’re living it.

The world was not that different between our parents’ generation and our own. In fact, it seems to me that until now, the basics of life never really changed much from one generation to the next. People still worked where they lived. They knew who they knew (as in, the people they knew “in person”). Communication options were limited. Most information came from books, and the ones you needed weren’t necessarily easy to find. And no one ever knew what they were missing.

Now our kids have unlimited options about where they can work (virtually from anywhere), who they can communicate with, and what they can learn. Their ability to create and achieve is also limitless. This is great. But it also makes me think with some level of sadness at some of the things I loved as a child that my kids will never experience:

• The excitement of taking a roll of film to be developed and waiting to see what’s on it. (I don’t think my kids would have a clue what a roll of film was if they saw one.)
• The novelty of watching Saturday morning cartoons and one-time holiday “specials” on TV. (What makes them so special now, when you can watch them anytime?)
• The quest of going to the video store to rent the movies you wanted for a slumber party. (“Do you think they’ll have Ghost, or will it be taken?”)
• The wonder of watching your family’s rare home videos – truly, you, moving and talking on the TV! (My kids…meh…nearly every second of their lives has been recorded.)
• The thrill of having to wait for things you wanted, instead of being able to instantly order them on any whim. (My kids aren’t old enough to order things on their own yet – but I know already that “patience” is a virtue they may never fully understand.)
• The challenge of making the perfect cassette “mix tape” to share with your friends (before iTunes came along and made it so easy).
• The sheer naiveté of piling pillows and blankets in the back of the family station wagon and bouncing around with your siblings unharnessed on long family road trips. (So, technology has also made us smarter – can you believe any of us survived?)

I guess the part that worries me about this list are the feelings that came along with those activities – excitement, novelty, wonder, challenge, thrill. Those were the feelings that made my childhood so magical. Are my kids still experiencing those emotions, or has technology made everything too easy for them? They have a level of expectation that is unreal at their age. There isn’t much that amazes them.

What do you think? Are our kids missing out on the best parts of childhood due to this new technological explosion, or are they better off than we were? I’d love to know your thoughts.

Kate Hayes is the proud mom of two funny little kids who also happens to be a professional writer and brand new children’s book author. She blogs “for fun” about her family’s adventures in New England at www.adventuresinparenting.me, and was named one of the Humor Voices of the Year at BlogHer 2011. Kate also starts every single day with a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte, non-fat WITH whip, thank you very much.

Image Credit: Alex Carmichal

Mommy, dance with me

Posted on January 18, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

My daughter turns seven tomorrow. I can hardly believe it. I’d like to ask where the time has gone, but I know where it has gone. It has slipped through my fingers, minutes turning into weeks turning into years. While I was on a client call earlier today, my computer went into sleep mode and random images from my photo archives began floating silently across the screen. I watched with a lump in my throat as pictures of my daughter danced before my eyes like a presentation on “This is Your Life”: the day we gamboled in the field – chasing butterflies, doing cartwheels, and painting watercolor pictures of circus elephants; a charming moment when, as an infant, she fell asleep in my bed with our huge dog curled up beside her; dozens of photos of her bright, broad toddler smile beaming at me – full of joy, pride, and an unquenchable curiosity about everything around her.

The years haven’t just flown by, they have disappeared like the ball in a magician’s sleight of hand trick. One moment you see it, the next – gone.  But the memories remain. As the photographic evidence of the past 2,556 days faded in and out on my screen, the feelings that accompanied each captured moment came flooding back to me. Emotions and sensory memories wrapped themselves around each moment like the lustrous layers of nacre on a pearl. The last seven years becomes a beautiful strand of softly shining treasures that warm my heart even as real pearls warm to the touch.

Seven years old tomorrow and so many firsts and lasts already come and gone. But we’re not nearly done making memories. Sunday night as we were getting ready for bath time, my little girl called out in her clear voice, “Mommy, come dance with me!” Though it was getting late and I knew this invitation to be at least partly a ploy to delay bedtime, I took her hands in mine and we spun in dizzying circles, our socks sliding across the kitchen floor. We giggled. She reached her arms up and I obediently hoisted her onto my hip. As I swung her around, she leaned in and planted a spontaneous kiss on my cheek. I looked down and saw not the tall first grader who is nearly big enough to go without a car seat, but the precocious toddler with pudgy little fingers and only the vaguest notion of the world outside her mother’s arms.

I set my tiny dancer down and stepped back to give her the floor. She twirled and kicked and swept her feet across the floor in intricate steps that she made up as she went along. She gave the routine a little hip action, and a fair amount of sassy hand jive meant to mime the lyrics. She struck a pose and admired her reflection in the darkened glass of the sliding door. I smiled, my heart brimming over with deeply felt love, pride, delight, and hope for her future joy.  She turned and grinned at me, laughing at herself and the mock seriousness of her performance – ever the little girl, ever my little girl.

I smiled back and joined her once again on the dance floor, knowing that this was another of those grain-of-sand moments that will become a beautiful, shining pearl to be treasured for the rest of my days.

Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime!

Posted on June 23, 2010 by FoBaM-Jamie

Summertime means different things to different families. Some look forward to it as a time of rest and family travel, others dread the extra juggling required to adjust to a school-free existence.

Personally, I’ve often wondered why they are called the “lazy, hazy days of summer.” My summer days are typically jam-packed from dawn to dusk and beyond. All this “down time” tends to leave me in need of a vacation from my daughter’s vacation. With school out, my usual routine gets turned on its head as I try to figure out how to get my work done while keeping her entertained. At our house, summer day camp is the answer, but even that requires a healthy amount of on-going coordination and chauffeuring. (Boy, do I miss the school bus!)

When I was a kid, both my parents worked from home and my sister and I were left to our own devices for big chunks of the day. She and I spent hours playing together (mostly outdoors – those were the days of heading out to play after breakfast and coming in at dinner time) – adventure games, baby dolls, “school,” and “spies.” For the rest of the time, we did stuff with my mom – gardening, marketing, and sometimes craft or cooking projects. We went to the library … a lot. There were play dates and outings – sometimes with my dad, too. My memories are of long days that provided ample opportunity for doing nothing.

I wish I could give my daughter that same summer, but my circumstances are different. I’m a single mom who has to work full-time, so she’s a little girl who has to attend camp full-time. It’s not her favorite thing, but I’ve gone to great lengths to change things up this year – enrolling her in three different camps. So far, my efforts have paid off – she’s really enjoying the new experiences and making new friends, too. It’s been a salve to my mother’s guilt to see her having a good time.

I may not be able stay at home with my daughter full-time, but that will only make the “hooky” days that much better. I can’t wait to surprise her by keeping her out of camp so she and I can enjoy an afternoon at the beach or a special daytrip. She’s going to love that.

So, what’s your summer look like? Do you spend long days with your kids, or hustle back and forth to camp? What’s your favorite part of the summer? How do you make summer memories special?

Scroll below to take our Grapevine “summer sentiment” poll. Let us know how you feel about the season.

Picture Credit: Me. My daughter combining two of her favorite things – dance and the beach. Happy girl.