Mom confession: My TV babysitter
Posted on April 24, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie
A few weeks ago, I did something I didn’t think was possible: I slashed my daughter’s TV time by about ninety percent. The differences it has made in our daily life and how we connect with each other has been nothing short of life changing. Seriously.
Before I go further, I want to be clear that I don’t think televisions or the Internet or mobile phones or even video games are evil. I do think, however, that most people spend way too much of their lives plugged into these screens. That’s why I’m a big supporter of Screen Free Week – an annual event run by the Coalition for a Commercial Free Childhood (CCFC).
If you had asked me six weeks ago whether I thought I could manage my busy world without the “support” of television as a stand-in sitter, I’d have said, “No way.” I confess – though I probably didn’t rate as a prime offender – I did let my daughter watch more TV than was good for her. I did this mostly because (here comes the justification) I’m a single mom who works from home and often until after midnight. I needed every waking minute just to keep my head above water, and letting my daughter indulge in an hour (or – wince – more) of “quality” TV (ok – mostly quality) each day was my way of buying myself the extra time I needed to keep all the balls in the air.
But, at what cost was I buying this “freedom?” A really high one.
My daughter was never neglected, but (I can’t believe I’m admitting this) she routinely ate both breakfast and dinner parked in front of I Love Lucy or Looney Tunes. I multi-tasked my way through the mornings and afternoons, often feeling like I’d hardly seen my daughter although she was sitting mere feet away from me. The trouble was, she was plugged into the TV and I was plugged into my laptop. We were engaged in, as one of my favorite bloggers put it, “parallel play.”
I’m not sure what triggered me, but I woke up one morning and said, “That’s enough.” I kept the TV off and moved our shared meals to the dining room. We played cards and board games. We talked. My beau was a wonderful influence – helping come up with fun ways to distract my daughter from the lack of TV in her daily routine. It was less of a weaning process than I’d anticipated. Who knew she’d much prefer the one-on-one attention of her mother to the electronic company of broadcast cable TV?
Over this short span of weeks I’ve learned that it’s not that hard to unplug. I’ve seen an amazing improvement in the quality of my time with my daughter. I’ve realized (yes, with a pang of guilt for all the hours wasted) that I really do have enough time to do everything if I stop with the multi-tasking and just focus on one thing at a time.
We still watch TV, but more often than not, we watch it together and reserve our viewing time for special things like movies. We still each get our share of screen time on the computer and iPhone and her Nintendo DS, but we spend even more time just hanging out – without the crutch of devices getting in the way of our human-to-human connection. I couldn’t be happier, and I think she’s pretty psyched, too.
Image Credit: Movimento Basta
Summer’s over, but fun goes on
Posted on September 6, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
As the last few days of the summer slipped through my fingers, I felt relief (what mom doesn’t look forward to the kids’ return to school?) mixed with sadness and a little guilt. Back in June, as we were wrapping up the last hectic weeks of first grade, I was full of good intentions about spending more time with my daughter this summer. As a single mom running her own business from home, I have a history of getting caught up with work and letting the day get away from me. This summer, I set out with a new plan that included taking Fridays off and only working half days on Wednesdays. The idea was that my daughter and I would have a summer’s worth of day trip adventures to look back on at the end of the season.
My plan would have worked, too, if it weren’t for life getting in the way.
My business picked up suddenly and I was left scrambling to meet deadlines. I added camp days to my daughter’s schedule or let her stay home, watching movies, while I sat in the next room hammering at my keyboard – so close, and yet so far. My dreams of idyllic mother-daughter outings were evaporating like so much fog – disappearing before my eyes.
So, when the first day of school arrived (August 31st for our neck of the woods), I felt like an utter failure. I’d let the summer get away from me, and now it was gone. I can’t get those days back. I can’t make up for the lost time that I sacrificed to the gods of fiscal responsibility. My daughter had a great summer, it just wasn’t the summer I’d hoped for and now it was too late …
… or was it?
A day before school started, my parents and my little girl drove north for two hours and spent the day at an outdoor adventure park with a ropes course, mountain slide, and other active attractions. Though I was grateful for the time to work (I was, once again, on deadline), I was sad that I couldn’t be the one spending the last official day of the summer with my daughter. Sometimes it feels like everyone except me gets to have fun with her. But, it doesn’t have to be that way.
So, on Friday of that week (the kids didn’t have school for some odd reason), I packed my daughter into the car and we retraced the route she’d taken with my parents a few days earlier. We spent a gorgeous (and exhausting!) day climbing, riding, sliding, bouncing, and chasing butterflies. And we enjoyed other mini outings over the course of the long weekend – aimless meandering about town complete with window shopping, a late season visit to the beach, breakfast out at a place we’d never been before.
Although the summer is over, I realize that there’s no reason we can’t make time for fun NOW. There is always this moment. There is always a chance to make a memory – even if it’s just a memory of walking around town, hand-in-hand. Sometimes, those quiet, non-events make the best memories. So, instead of being sad that the summer is gone and my best-laid plans fell by the wayside, I’m now excited to think of all the adventures that still await us. There’s no expiration date on having fun with your kids. The summer season may be over, but the season of fun never ends.
9 ways I will be a better mom
Posted on January 4, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
January: time for resolutions. I’m not really a huge fan of resolutions. Too often, they wind up falling by the wayside and we are left with feelings of failure, disappointment, and guilt. I don’t know about you, but – as a mom – I get more than my share of those feelings without imposing improbable expectations on myself.
Still, it is a New Year and I can’t help but do the whole retrospective/introspective thing. For me, 2010 was a pretty wild ride – both professionally and personally. As a mom, I often felt that I was only partially present. Multi-tasking was less a bad habit than a way of life. Juggling sixteen things at once felt like a matter of survival. My situation is not unique. All the moms I know are equally as guilty of trying to do too many things at once and winding up frustrated, exhausted, and feeling inadequate on all fronts. That’s why, if I had to choose one, my parenting resolution would be to kick my multi-tasking habit. My daughter turns seven in a few short weeks and I know it’ll only be a few moments before she’s seventeen. There won’t be any going back to make up for lost time. I’ve only got one shot to be fully present.
But, beyond that, I’m not making any resolutions. I know the kid should eat more fruits and vegetables, have more play dates, and drop the attitude a decibel or two. I realize that I ought to be more patient and less sarcastic. I’m pretty sure the Really Good Moms do more crafts and play more games than me. There are literally dozens of things I could do to ratchet up my parenting brownie points, but I’m not going there.
Instead, I’m going to focus on a few universal parenting truths and relax about the details. For 2011, I’m going to do my best to remember that:
- Though I might screw up once in a while, no one is keeping score (not anyone who matters, anyway).
- Hugs fix a lot – use them liberally.
- Saying your sorry may be hard, but it’s always worth the effort.
- A happy mom is a better mom, so – for heaven’s sake! – take some time for yourself!
- Spontaneity sometimes creates better memories than ritual and routine. Follow your heart when it tells you to let the kids stay up late on a school night or eat cake for breakfast.
- Listening – really listening – is often the most valuable gift you can give someone, especially a child.
- It’s great to have Big Picture perspective, but the sanest approach is to take each day as it comes – one at a time.
- In the end, each of us does what she can; it’s unfair to try and measure up against some random ideal. Don’t fall into that trap.
- Enjoy each moment – even the tough ones – for what it is. You will never get a second chance to live this time again.
Are you making any parenting resolutions for 2011? If not, maybe you’ve got a few core parenting truths? Feel free to share either or both – thanks!
Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime!
Posted on June 23, 2010 by FoBaM-Jamie
Summertime means different things to different families. Some look forward to it as a time of rest and family travel, others dread the extra juggling required to adjust to a school-free existence.
Personally, I’ve often wondered why they are called the “lazy, hazy days of summer.” My summer days are typically jam-packed from dawn to dusk and beyond. All this “down time” tends to leave me in need of a vacation from my daughter’s vacation. With school out, my usual routine gets turned on its head as I try to figure out how to get my work done while keeping her entertained. At our house, summer day camp is the answer, but even that requires a healthy amount of on-going coordination and chauffeuring. (Boy, do I miss the school bus!)
When I was a kid, both my parents worked from home and my sister and I were left to our own devices for big chunks of the day. She and I spent hours playing together (mostly outdoors – those were the days of heading out to play after breakfast and coming in at dinner time) – adventure games, baby dolls, “school,” and “spies.” For the rest of the time, we did stuff with my mom – gardening, marketing, and sometimes craft or cooking projects. We went to the library … a lot. There were play dates and outings – sometimes with my dad, too. My memories are of long days that provided ample opportunity for doing nothing.
I wish I could give my daughter that same summer, but my circumstances are different. I’m a single mom who has to work full-time, so she’s a little girl who has to attend camp full-time. It’s not her favorite thing, but I’ve gone to great lengths to change things up this year – enrolling her in three different camps. So far, my efforts have paid off – she’s really enjoying the new experiences and making new friends, too. It’s been a salve to my mother’s guilt to see her having a good time.
I may not be able stay at home with my daughter full-time, but that will only make the “hooky” days that much better. I can’t wait to surprise her by keeping her out of camp so she and I can enjoy an afternoon at the beach or a special daytrip. She’s going to love that.
So, what’s your summer look like? Do you spend long days with your kids, or hustle back and forth to camp? What’s your favorite part of the summer? How do you make summer memories special?
Scroll below to take our Grapevine “summer sentiment” poll. Let us know how you feel about the season.
Picture Credit: Me. My daughter combining two of her favorite things – dance and the beach. Happy girl.
