I had a dream, mama …

Posted on January 11, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

“Mom! I had a dream last night that I had a pet tiger I could ride and then I baked a ginormous birthday cake the size of our house with sparkle frosting and firework candles as big as me and then we all went on a roller coaster like the one at Disney World and I didn’t fall out even though I wasn’t buckled in …”

My daughter loves to tell me her dreams. Each morning when we wake up, she starts her day with the words, “I had a dream last night …” She takes such delight in the wildness of her imagination. Each night is filled with adventures to rival the most far-out fantasy and science fiction tales of our time. Last night, she and I sprouted fairy wings and were flying around the house. The night before that, she dreamt there were ponies in the living room, and the night before that she dreamt our whole family went on a theme park ride that was straight out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The child never rests, even when she’s sleeping!

I have to smile as I listen to these nocturnal stories. When I was a kid, I did the same thing to my mom. Each morning I’d regale her with tales of the previous night’s crazy journey. I’ve always been a person who dreams a complete story arc, so my retelling could last all the way through breakfast. I still have a dream journal that I kept when I was younger – filled with sometimes detailed and sometimes cryptic notes about my nightly wanderings.

Asking kids about their dreams is like asking them what they want to be when they grow up. It gives us a peek inside their world. It is fascinating to see how they interpret their experiences and transform them into their own inner folklore.  I listen to see if my child casts herself as the hero or the villain, the protagonist or the victim. I love when I notice small details that sprang from our waking day into her nighttime thoughts.

And dreams can often provide insight into how our children are feeling about different situations and events. A mom can use her intuition to see connections between themes in dreams and things that are happening in real life. Sometimes how a thing plays out in a dream can give us hints about how our child is dealing with the real life circumstance. We can unearth deep feelings and gain guidance about what we, as mothers, might need to say to comfort or encourage our children.

Dreams: another tool in mom’s bag of tricks. Does your child share dream stories? Do you share yours? Have you ever found that the sharing helped you navigate real life situations?

Image Credit: h. koppdelaney

When I grow up …

Posted on August 23, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

When my daughter was four, she wanted to be a tap dancing tightrope walker. If you asked her today, she’d probably tell you she’s going to be a dog trainer/fashion designer/singer. When I was younger, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer, editor of a New York fashion magazine, and Barbara Streisand.

How our children answer this question is something we parents find endlessly fascinating. It gives us a peek into our kids’ minds and hints about how they see themselves. It can also be terribly entertaining to hear responses unconstrained by the limits of reality. I love when kids let loose with their imaginations and reach out enthusiastically for a brassring of their own design – first ice cream maker on the moon, world’s best singing submarine pilot, or elephant pedicurist.

Neil Gaiman, one of my favorite authors, tells a story about when he was a precocious young man with an answer for everything. As he tells it, when a visiting adult commented on how bright he was and suggested that perhaps someday he’d be Prime Minister, young Gaiman responded that he certainly hoped he’d be something much better than that. That made me smile. Children aren’t saddled with the same society-driven hierarchy that most of us accept as part of Real Life. They don’t consider being the President of the United States a superior aspiration to being a balloon artist. They make their vocational choices from the heart.

If only we were all able to do that. Or, perhaps I should say, if only we could keep doing that as we grew up – hold onto the conviction that the thing that makes us happy is the right thing to pursue. But, it’s hard. Too soon, our dreams of pachyderm pedicures give way to more “respectable” career choices. Our unique and impassioned visions fade away, replaced by options that fit more neatly into traditional educational paths and career plans.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, or a clerk. If that’s where your passion lies, go for it! But how delightful is the grown up who turns childhood passions into a living? Who doesn’t love stories about the dancer who began choreographing ballets at the age of six or the artisan baker who was testing recipes in mom’s kitchen after morning Kindergarten classes. There is something magical about people who seem “born to do” … something heroic about the consistent, persistent, and unwavering pursuit of a personal passion.

I’d love to see my daughter grow up to be a tap dancing tightrope walker – whatever makes her heart sing. As for me, I’m slowly coming back around to recreating my life around my childhood passions. It’s not easy, but it feels wonderful! I highly recommend the adventure.

What do your kids want to be when they grow up? Do their answers surprise you, or scare you? What did you want to be when you were a kid? Did you wind up doing that?

Image Credit: Norma Desmond

My Child, My Life

Posted on April 5, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

There is no doubt, my child, that I gave you life; but you, my darling, returned the favor.

My life was good. I was happy, successful, and thriving; but I had no idea the richness and magic I was missing. I did not know that I was living only a half-life. The things I once held so dear, in which I invested so much time and effort and belief – those things still exist, but they have been relegated to a much lesser place in my heart.

How could they ever compete with you, my child? You who can make me laugh, and make me sing? You show me the world in bright new colors, arrayed in all its impossible possibilities. In your mind and heart there are no barriers, no shackles. The world is your oyster, and so it is mine as well. With my hand in yours, my eyes can suddenly see that all doors are open.

Each moment of wonder that you experience gives me back some of my own wonder. And wonder is love – humble and awe-inspiring love. We drink in the world together – each blade of grass, each butterfly, each unbroken dream. You restore my faith in all that is good in the world. You bring hope and love surging through my heart in a tidal wave of emotion that feels like euphoria.

Everything is new and exciting and holds the potential for joy.

You have no prejudices and no preconceptions. You take the world as it comes to you, embracing each moment and each experience with open arms and an open mind. You find joy in the simplest of things – a puddle, a shiny stone, a pile of leaves. And your joy is contagious. It infects me. It infects everyone around you. It gathers strength like a karmic tornado spinning, spiraling, bringing smiles and laughter.

You are not afraid so sing out loud or dance in broad daylight. You do cartwheels for no reason and giggle ceaselessly when you fall. You give me the courage to be myself, to try new things, to open my heart to all the possibilities in my own life. You remind me what it feels like to be truly young at heart, believing that the world was made just for me and I was made to bring magic into it.

My child, my life. We have given each other so much already. I can hardly wait to see what the future holds in store for us.

Image Credit: Mike Bitzenhofer