Things I will miss when my babe is grown

Posted on February 7, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

My “baby” turned eight years old three weeks ago. After enduring months of pleading, I conceded and let her get her ears pierced. She was a champ – didn’t even flinch. I, on the other hand, held my breath and had to fight back a few tears. I didn’t expect a superficial rite of passage to affect me so deeply – especially not one that takes place at a mall kiosk amidst a river of strangers with muffled pop music playing in the background. But where we were didn’t matter; I was still struck to the core by how quickly my daughter is growing up. At eight years old she is probably already savvier than I was at twelve.

I know it won’t be long before she begins to refuse kisses goodbye at school and holding hands in public. From there, it’s only a matter of time and she’ll be asking to borrow the car keys and go on dates. For now, though, we still have many mother-daughter rituals and traditions that are close in my heart. For now, I treasure her funny little habits and the way she looks at the world. For now, I can still share those random moments where she lets down her guard and is the little girl again.

Because I know these moments are fleeting, I wanted to take a moment to capture some of the things that I know I will miss when my baby is grown. Some will linger longer than others and some have already faded. I know there will be other moments to share and new facets to our relationship, but these things I will always remember and treasure. These are the things that I will remind her of when she is grown and home for a visit or bringing her fiancé to dinner.

Things I will miss when my babe is grown:

The way she slept – nestled into my neck, smelling of baby sweetness and lavender lotion, her little legs splayed out like a tiny frog across my chest

The way she looks, even now, when she is asleep with her arms curled tightly around her favorite stuffed animals and her face in deep repose

The impish grin she wore as a toddler – sparkling eyes flashing at me from behind wayward curls as she challenged me to outmaneuver her latest exploit

The charmingly mispronounced words – “aminals” and “You Nork”

Endless bedtime stories … and games … and cuddles … and whispers in the dark … and feeling her drift off to sleep as I lie beside her

The way she tumbles wildly into my bed on Sunday mornings looking for a “rassle” and hugs

Her proud presentations of handmade gifts – drawings and paintings and popsicle stick sculptures

Her undaunted faith that she can do anything

Singing together in the car

Dancing in the kitchen

Stopping to meet every dog we pass on the street

Waiting with her for Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy

Searching for faeiries in the woods and under the back stairs

The way she runs errands for me at the market – heading out on expeditions in search of fruit chews or granola bars or yogurt

Listening to her read anything aloud

Hearing her singing to herself – in the shower, while she gets dressed for school, while she does her homework, while she plays outside – thinking no one can hear her

The way she stands before me with her arms up and says, “hug – up hug” … even now

Ending each day and every phone call with “I love you – I love you, too”

The incessant “foufing” and burping that sends her into fits of hysterical giggling

Tickle fights

Hearing her call for me in the middle of the night (yes, even that)

The rhythm and routine of our days and nights – a grind at times, but still a comfort

Asking how her day was at the end of school and getting “Oh, fine”

… but then getting a sleepy earful when we’re nestled in her bed after bedtime stories

Bedtime stories – oh, bedtime stories!

Hearing her dreams in the morning.

The way she brings her favorite stuffed animals down to watch TV in the morning

Holding hands

Being able to make you feel better when you’re sick

Cutting the crust off your bread

Making pancakes on Saturday mornings

Long, meandering walks to nowhere in particular

… so may things to miss; so many things to treasure. How lucky am I to have so much love and magic in my life?

Image Credit: Jord and Kels

What Our Kids Are Missing

Posted on August 9, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

There’s no question. Childhood today is an entirely different experience than what many of us remember from our own youth. The world has changed and so have the trappings and traditions of the young. Today, guest blogger Kate Hayes (aka @bostonblogmom)reflects on the things that her own kids will never experience.

Most of the time, I am amazed at the world that my two kids are growing up in. The type of technology and the amount of information that is literally at their fingertips blows my mind. However, at six and three years old, they don’t really think any of it is such a big deal. It’s all they know. They believe it is totally normal to be able to watch almost any movie they want on demand, with the click of a button. Or to be able to pause and rewind LIVE television. Or to have a little video chat on the phone with their cousins who live across the country. Are you kidding me?? In the world I grew up in, a mere thirty years ago, that kind of stuff was “Back to the Future” sci-fi! I still can’t believe we’re living it.

The world was not that different between our parents’ generation and our own. In fact, it seems to me that until now, the basics of life never really changed much from one generation to the next. People still worked where they lived. They knew who they knew (as in, the people they knew “in person”). Communication options were limited. Most information came from books, and the ones you needed weren’t necessarily easy to find. And no one ever knew what they were missing.

Now our kids have unlimited options about where they can work (virtually from anywhere), who they can communicate with, and what they can learn. Their ability to create and achieve is also limitless. This is great. But it also makes me think with some level of sadness at some of the things I loved as a child that my kids will never experience:

• The excitement of taking a roll of film to be developed and waiting to see what’s on it. (I don’t think my kids would have a clue what a roll of film was if they saw one.)
• The novelty of watching Saturday morning cartoons and one-time holiday “specials” on TV. (What makes them so special now, when you can watch them anytime?)
• The quest of going to the video store to rent the movies you wanted for a slumber party. (“Do you think they’ll have Ghost, or will it be taken?”)
• The wonder of watching your family’s rare home videos – truly, you, moving and talking on the TV! (My kids…meh…nearly every second of their lives has been recorded.)
• The thrill of having to wait for things you wanted, instead of being able to instantly order them on any whim. (My kids aren’t old enough to order things on their own yet – but I know already that “patience” is a virtue they may never fully understand.)
• The challenge of making the perfect cassette “mix tape” to share with your friends (before iTunes came along and made it so easy).
• The sheer naiveté of piling pillows and blankets in the back of the family station wagon and bouncing around with your siblings unharnessed on long family road trips. (So, technology has also made us smarter – can you believe any of us survived?)

I guess the part that worries me about this list are the feelings that came along with those activities – excitement, novelty, wonder, challenge, thrill. Those were the feelings that made my childhood so magical. Are my kids still experiencing those emotions, or has technology made everything too easy for them? They have a level of expectation that is unreal at their age. There isn’t much that amazes them.

What do you think? Are our kids missing out on the best parts of childhood due to this new technological explosion, or are they better off than we were? I’d love to know your thoughts.

Kate Hayes is the proud mom of two funny little kids who also happens to be a professional writer and brand new children’s book author. She blogs “for fun” about her family’s adventures in New England at www.adventuresinparenting.me, and was named one of the Humor Voices of the Year at BlogHer 2011. Kate also starts every single day with a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte, non-fat WITH whip, thank you very much.

Image Credit: Alex Carmichal

Longing for an old-fashioned summer

Posted on June 7, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

Last week, someone sent me a 100-part Facebook question about the summer activities of my childhood. It’s not like I have time to answer 100 questions about Kool-aid, red rover, and climbing trees, but it was a walk down memory lane that I couldn’t resist. I found myself smiling as the questions triggered recollections about the homemade Chinese Jacks set I designed one summer, the hours I spent in the woods with my dog, and playing my treasured 45s on the turntable in my bedroom (yes, I’m that old). Even things my daughter would consider inhumane now glow with the warm patina of nostalgia: life with only half a dozen television channels (and no remote!), chores done for free, grocery bag book covers.

The made it all too easy to see the differences between my childhood summers and my daughter’s. As they say, “times have changed.” I was fortunate a fortunate child. Summertime stretched out before me the way that languorous season should. The days were unscheduled and lazy. We weren’t allowed to watch more than a half hour of television (my sister and I chose “I Love Lucy”), so the rest of each long day was wide open for us to fill with our imaginations and ingenuity.

I spent most of my time either outdoors or with my nose in a book. I also did a fair amount of drawing and journaling. There were many trips to the local library where we’d sit on battered beanbag chairs and roam up and down the shelves, trying to find the perfect adventure story to haul up into our tree house. The swing my dad built kept us occupied for hours, as did the old deck of Bicycle brand cards (after my mom taught us to play solitaire).

My summers were wonderful. They were an actual respite from the school year – giving me the gift of unstructured time. I was able to unwind, explore the world, and spend time with myself. My daughter’s summers are also wonderful, but in a different way. She will attend at least two different, full-day camps. She’ll have a couple weeks off with her dad, and I’ll take some time off as well. Even so, her summer itinerary is nearly as busy as her school year one. Throw in some play dates, errands, and our usual outings and it quickly goes from dog days to crazy days.

When I was my daughter’s age, summer seemed like it might go on forever. Maybe it’s just the perspective of my age, but I feel like it goes by in the blink of an eye now. It’s a few measly weeks sandwiched between the end of one school year and the start of the next.

I want to take summer back this year. I want my daughter to experience some of the freedom and downtime that I had as a kid. I want to give her days of doing nothing and see what she does with them. I want to leave her to her own devices so she can hear her own voice in her head. I want to help her step off the rollercoaster of life for a minute, let her catch her breath, help her enjoy the stillness.

It won’t be easy. As a self-employed single mom, I’ve got a lot of responsibility to uphold, but I’m determined to give my little girl a taste of my old-fashioned summers. Maybe I’ll teach her to play Chinese Jacks.

Image Credit: Aitor Escuariaza

Losing baby teeth & baby beliefs

Posted on July 8, 2010 by FoBaM-Jamie

My six-and-a-half year-old daughter lost her first baby tooth this week. The event was rather anti-climactic. For weeks, we’d been watching her front tooth wiggle, dangle, and twist; and then – while she was eating a green popsicle – it just dropped into her hand. No blood, no tears, no drama. She looked momentarily surprised and then ran immediately to the bathroom mirror to proudly check out her gappy reflection.

I got a little choked up. I already feel like my baby is growing up so fast, and now that she’s started dropping chiclets, I feel like puberty is right around the corner. It won’t be long now. Pretty soon, she’ll be going off to school wearing her own Big Girl Shoes instead of playing dress up with mine. I can almost hear her asking to borrow the car.

Thankfully, some pieces of childhood magic still linger. The tooth fairy, for instance, was a much anticipated guest. My daughter solemnly placed her tooth in the special, little box that my sister had given her for the occasion. We placed the box outside my daughter’s room (because the tooth fairy wouldn’t be able to open the bedroom door), and left the box unlatched (in case the clasp was too tricky for tiny fairy fingers). Around 2AM, Read More…

Once Upon a Summertime …

Posted on August 27, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie

Is it really almost September?!? I feel like only days ago I was buying new bottles of sunscreen and bug spray, and suddenly I have to start thinking about school supplies. What happened?

When I was a kid, summer seemed to stretch before me like a whole, new lifetime. The months between spring and fall passed slowly and were full of long afternoons spent doing almost nothing. Looking back, it’s hard not to wax nostalgic about the days I spent climbing trees, building forts, making friendship bracelets, walking to town for ice cream, embarking on imaginary adventures with my dog, and reading astounding numbers of books which I eagerly borrowed from the public library each week.

My daughter’s summers are so different from those of my childhood. Where I had a wealth of down time, her days are scheduled to nearly full capacity with summer camp, outings, and dance classes. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and is something of a necessity based on my work schedule. Although I harbor little guilt about how she spends her summers, I do have an occasional yearning to see my daughter enjoying the languorous days I knew when I was her age. Those longings run especially deep when we have quality time together, because I know that living without a schedule would stretch the summer for both of us.

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