I am mom. Hear me ROAR!
Posted on March 6, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie
With March coming in like a lion, I’ve been thinking about the fierce side of motherhood these days. Before becoming a mom, I would never have thought of myself as “fierce.” I would barely have considered myself the kind of woman who would get her hackles up about anything. But, now, I have definitely come to embrace my ferocious side. There’s something about being a mother that brings it out.
Motherhood deepens our capability for empathy and increases our ability to take action. Before motherhood I was, though not a wallflower, definitely less assertive than I am today. It’s not that I go around looking for fights, but – now that I’m somebody’s mom – I have no problem standing up to injustice, disrespect, and bad behavior of all kinds … especially if that bad behavior might hurt my child. You can come at me all you like without too much risk of getting swatted by my lioness’ paw, but don’t mess with my kid. Ever.
I’m not the only mom I know who has undergone this emotional evolution. I find it interesting how many women I know spend their lives silently putting up with all kinds of crap, but suddenly find their voice (and the courage to use it) when they need to stand up for their kids. It’s a little bit sad that we so often lack the ability or drive to speak out for our own benefit, but at least we are able to do so on behalf of our kids. A nice side effect of getting in touch with your inner “mama bear” is that you eventually end up learning how to bring that same level of protectiveness into other areas of your life. You learn to say “no” when appropriate and stop letting people take advantage of you.
Ultimately, it’s not aggression that is behind our roar, it’s love. Something about having a child of your own makes it so much harder to witness the pain and suffering that surround us. I think that’s part of the reason there are so many advocacy groups run by women and populated by moms. We have an expanded capacity for caring that makes us perfectly suited to passionately galvanize around concerns that involve helping others.
There are days when I could do without the added weight of these deeply-felt concerns, but ultimately I feel that they are an important part of the person I have become. And since motherhood has also equipped me with a little extra moxie and chutzpah, I think I can handle it and maybe even do some good in the process. Even more delightful is watching my daughter learn at my side like a cub studying the ways of the lionesses in the pride. I can see understanding in her eyes and I love that she is starting to experiment with her own roar … even when she’s roaring at me.
On the Savannah, it is the lionesses who lead the pride. It is these fierce and loyal females who do the hunting that keeps their young well fed and who strike fear into the hearts of enemies who would do their cubs harm. I’m proud to me a mom and proud to let loose with my own roar. I’m grateful that motherhood has helped me find my voice and taught me how to use it. And, I look forward to seeing what the next generation of lionesses will do when it’s their turn to lead the pride.
What do you think? Has motherhood made you feel more confident and able to stand up for your kids and yourself? Do you feel a greater pull to get involved with causes? Are you more apt to speak out when you see instances of injustice?
Image Credit: Lioness image by Nathan Rupert
Keep Calm and Carry on Being Mom
Posted on February 29, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie
As moms, we are constantly bombarded with an avalanche of (usually) well-meaning advice on how to be better mothers. Before our children are born (sometimes before they are even conceived), the whole world seems to conspire to point out our shortcomings, mistakes, and general lack of knowledge about raising children. There are rules to be followed about sleeping, feeding, exercise, development, learning, play, socialization, and just about every other aspect of child rearing you can name. To make matters worse, for every rule there is an equally convincing and credible opposing rule. It’s a miracle that our heads don’t spin off our shoulders from sheer overwhelm! What happened to “mom knows best”?
The thing is, there is no single way to be a good mom. There are, in fact, probably an infinite number of ways to get the job done and done well. What is “best” will vary (wildly) from situation to situation, child to child, mother to mother. Saying there’s One Way to be a good mom is like saying there’s one way to be a good woman. Each of us finds her own way. We learn from others, we experiment, we adapt, we grow. We figure out what works for us and for our children. (And, what works for one of our kids might make another of our kids crazy … so even within our own families, we need to come up with multiple solutions to the same challenge.)
So, when you’re feeling stressed out about doing it “wrong,” when you’re worried that you’ve made some horrible choice that is going to scar your child for life … relax. There is no wrong way to love a child. You just need to trust yourself – the fierce bits, the tender bits … even the crazy bits. You are doing just fine. You are the perfect mom for your kids. That’s why they are yours. You were made for each other.
Keep calm and carry on being the best mom you can be. You’re perfect just the way you are.
36 Things I Want My Daughter to Always Remember
Posted on February 21, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie
I recently came across a post by Lisa of Mommy OM titled, 25 things I want my daughter to know. As the mother of a blossoming eight year-old, I was suddenly struck by all the things I want to instill in my own daughter about how special she is, the importance of being true to your heart, how to be a good friend, and so much more. A mother’s greatest aspiration is to see her children lead happy, rich, fulfilling lives. As I watched my little girl drift off to sleep last night, my mind was filled with all the wishes I hold in my heart for her happiness. If I could, I would giftwrap the world for her. I would create a new world designed to delight her. There is nothing that makes me feel happier or more content than to see joy on my child’s face.
I know that I cannot (and should not) make my daughter’s life perfect. I know that eventually she will venture out into the world on her own. She will have to face her own dragons and learn many things the hard way. I know that most of what I tell her – even the things I might whisper earnestly in the quiet dark of her room while she sleeps – will remain unheard and unheeded for a very long time. Even tonight, as she prepared for bed, she chastised me for not taking her anguish over a small blemish seriously. If only she knew how clearly I remember feeling those same anxieties myself at her age. But it will be, I think, a long time before we are able to truly empathize with one another. For now, our worlds are still very far apart – separated by a generation and a lifetime of experiences.
Even so, there are things I want my daughter to always remember. I will tell her these things – today, tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. I will repeat them over and over until they echo so clearly in her head that they might be mistaken for her own thoughts. These are the things that I believe will help her create her happiness – grow it in her own heart instead of ceaselessly searching for it in other people and places and pursuits.
- You are special.
- There is no one else exactly like you in the whole world. Cherish your unique self.
- You deserve love, admiration, honesty, respect, and second chances.
- You have the right to use your voice – any time, any place, on any topic.
- You are beautiful.
- Beauty is as beauty does and while physical beauty is fleeting, a beautiful soul lasts forever.
- True friends make you laugh and feel good about yourself.
- True love makes you want to be a better person.
- Girls can do anything boys can do … and some things boys can’t.
- Magic is real – you just have to know where to look for it.
- Taking time for yourself is important – be your own best friend.
- You can always come home. Always.
- You can tell me anything.
- You don’t always have to follow the rules, but …
- … always follow your heart.
- You are a creative genius and your creations are your gift to the world. Give them freely and joyfully.
- There’s no such thing as failure. Learn from every experience.
- You are loved more than you will know until you have your own child.
- Anything is possible if you believe.
- There are few things a hot mug of tea and a good book won’t fix.
- Go after your passion with a vengeance, but …
- … remember to slow down and savor the journey along the way.
- Sometimes it’s okay to eat dessert first.
- Don’t wait for things to be “perfect” before you do something.
- Keep your eye on the Big Picture, but revel in the details.
- Trust yourself. You are smart enough, strong enough, and brave enough.
- When in doubt, grow something.
- It’s okay if you don’t know the answers. Sometimes it’s a better place to start from.
- The Golden Rule is the easiest standard by which to measure any choice.
- Travel is the best teacher, but always be safe and be wise. The world is a beautiful place, but it is not without its sharp edges.
- Never compromise your beliefs – not for stature, approval, or anything else.
- Manners count.
- Learn to laugh at yourself and life will suddenly seem much easier.
- It’s okay to be fragile sometimes. Life can be like that.
- I am always so proud of you.
- I will always be with you. Even when I’m gone I will be holding you in my heart and wrapping my love around you.
What would you like your child to always remember?
Image Credit: Louise Docker
Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom (swoon)
Posted on February 14, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie
Valentine’s Day may have originated as a day to celebrate the romantic love in our lives; but for most moms, I’m guessing there’s no Valentine that melts your heart quite the way your child’s Valentine does. Those carefully printed exclamations of love, crooked hearts, and still-sticky works of art (you’re never quite sure if the stickiness should be attributed to overzealous gluestick application or the strawberry jam from breakfast) – those are the things that set our hearts a-fluttering. The tiny cupids who call us mom know just how to pull at our heartstrings.
A child’s Valentine is truly from the heart. I’m not saying our partners aren’t sincere in their Valentine wishes, but you have to admit that there’s something especially innocent and charming about a toddler’s love note. Even more touching than the Valentine itself, is the delivery. My daughter’s approach to saying ‘I love you’ swings between a boisterous proclamation and a foot-shuffling mumble. From either end of the spectrum, her words are completely … well … from the heart, and they hit their mark every time.
I’m lucky. Sometimes it feels like it’s Valentine’s Day every day with my daughter. She’s “all grown up” at eight years old, but we still say ‘I love you’ dozens of times each day. Our good mornings and goodbyes and goodnights overflow with traded declarations of affection. I adore the way we tussle over who will say the last ‘I love you’ each night – each of us vying to be the most smitten.
In the end, there really isn’t any way to define or contain our love, is there? Words like boundless and unconditional and undying spring easily to mind, but how do you explain such airy concepts to child? Sometimes we play the ‘I-love-you-more-than’ game … “I love you more than puppies,” “I love you more than chocolate,” “I love you more than the moon and the stars,” “I love you more than …” Could there be anything sweeter than playing at finding new ways to say that your love is bigger than any other love in the world?
We wish each of you a Valentine’s Day full of sweetness, hugs, and sticky kisses. We hope you get to indulge your inner sap and say all those saccharine things that seem a bit over the top on other days of the year. We send our own virtual X’s and O’s out to each mom who is doing her best and deserves all the adoration we can deliver.
Happy Valentine’s Day, moms. Hope you get to spend it with your little cherubs.
Image Credit: Brittany K
Things I will miss when my babe is grown
Posted on February 7, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie
My “baby” turned eight years old three weeks ago. After enduring months of pleading, I conceded and let her get her ears pierced. She was a champ – didn’t even flinch. I, on the other hand, held my breath and had to fight back a few tears. I didn’t expect a superficial rite of passage to affect me so deeply – especially not one that takes place at a mall kiosk amidst a river of strangers with muffled pop music playing in the background. But where we were didn’t matter; I was still struck to the core by how quickly my daughter is growing up. At eight years old she is probably already savvier than I was at twelve.
I know it won’t be long before she begins to refuse kisses goodbye at school and holding hands in public. From there, it’s only a matter of time and she’ll be asking to borrow the car keys and go on dates. For now, though, we still have many mother-daughter rituals and traditions that are close in my heart. For now, I treasure her funny little habits and the way she looks at the world. For now, I can still share those random moments where she lets down her guard and is the little girl again.
Because I know these moments are fleeting, I wanted to take a moment to capture some of the things that I know I will miss when my baby is grown. Some will linger longer than others and some have already faded. I know there will be other moments to share and new facets to our relationship, but these things I will always remember and treasure. These are the things that I will remind her of when she is grown and home for a visit or bringing her fiancé to dinner.
Things I will miss when my babe is grown:
The way she slept – nestled into my neck, smelling of baby sweetness and lavender lotion, her little legs splayed out like a tiny frog across my chest
The way she looks, even now, when she is asleep with her arms curled tightly around her favorite stuffed animals and her face in deep repose
The impish grin she wore as a toddler – sparkling eyes flashing at me from behind wayward curls as she challenged me to outmaneuver her latest exploit
The charmingly mispronounced words – “aminals” and “You Nork”
Endless bedtime stories … and games … and cuddles … and whispers in the dark … and feeling her drift off to sleep as I lie beside her
The way she tumbles wildly into my bed on Sunday mornings looking for a “rassle” and hugs
Her proud presentations of handmade gifts – drawings and paintings and popsicle stick sculptures
Her undaunted faith that she can do anything
Singing together in the car
Dancing in the kitchen
Stopping to meet every dog we pass on the street
Waiting with her for Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy
Searching for faeiries in the woods and under the back stairs
The way she runs errands for me at the market – heading out on expeditions in search of fruit chews or granola bars or yogurt
Listening to her read anything aloud
Hearing her singing to herself – in the shower, while she gets dressed for school, while she does her homework, while she plays outside – thinking no one can hear her
The way she stands before me with her arms up and says, “hug – up hug” … even now
Ending each day and every phone call with “I love you – I love you, too”
The incessant “foufing” and burping that sends her into fits of hysterical giggling
Tickle fights
Hearing her call for me in the middle of the night (yes, even that)
The rhythm and routine of our days and nights – a grind at times, but still a comfort
Asking how her day was at the end of school and getting “Oh, fine”
… but then getting a sleepy earful when we’re nestled in her bed after bedtime stories
Bedtime stories – oh, bedtime stories!
Hearing her dreams in the morning.
The way she brings her favorite stuffed animals down to watch TV in the morning
Holding hands
Being able to make you feel better when you’re sick
Cutting the crust off your bread
Making pancakes on Saturday mornings
Long, meandering walks to nowhere in particular
… so may things to miss; so many things to treasure. How lucky am I to have so much love and magic in my life?
Image Credit: Jord and Kels
