Slowing the holidays down

Posted on December 20, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

No matter what holiday you celebrate, there’s a good chance that you’re feeling in the thick of things right now. As the year comes to a close, we find ourselves endlessly tying up loose ends. There’s just so much to do and never enough time to get to everything AND manage a good night’s sleep. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the chaos and frenzy. Today’s guest post is a gentle but firm reminder that the holidays should be about slowing down and being with our families. It comes from guest writer Wendy Thomas – a mother of six who is always at the ready with a witty quip and a grounding life lesson. Take a moment. Read. Breathe. Slow down. Enjoy the moments and the little things. Happy holidays.

Well before Black Friday arrived (and can I just say that when I was a kid we never called it Black Friday? It was always the “Friday after Thanksgiving.”) I made the following announcement to my kids:

“As you know, it’s been a rough year here. We’ve had pets leave us, compromised health, and it’s been tough financially. Which is why this holiday season we are going to celebrate it our own way.

We can’t be at Occupy Wall Street but we can take their message of supporting local businesses to heart. This means that many of our holiday gifts are going to come from local craftsmen and small family owned stores (“Just say no to Monster High Dolls”.) We’re going to bring Christmas back home with locally made gifts (including homemade items), lots of baked goods, and a general slowing down of things so that we have time to spend with each other.

Don’t worry, there will still be plenty of presents, it’s just that the gifts this year are all going to have heart (and will support our local economy.)”

I wasn’t really sure what reaction to expect. I knew the older teens would understand what I was trying to do, they were as fed up with the insanity-provoking commercial hype as I was, but I wasn’t sure if my two youngest children, both daughters would go along.

And the blame for this rest solely on my shoulders.

Yup, I’m the mom that makes sure Christmas is perfect. I shop till I drop, I get absolutely everything that I think will make my kids happy and then I usually end up getting more. A singing reindeer? Adorable. Books that can record your voice? Into the cart they go.

I am responsible for creating my own little Christmas Frankensteins.

I waited for the fallout from the kids, but guess what? A few months of life not going the way you had expected, tends to make you grateful for things other than a bunch of toys. When two of our dogs unexpectedly died within two weeks of each other, we learned to appreciate every moment we have with our only remaining dog. No one wants another puppy for Christmas, we just want to be able to keep the one we have.

When brothers are diagnosed with a painful, progressive disease (Lyme) that make walking across a room a chore, you start appreciating your health a little more than the most current Wii game. Suddenly a walk outside with the family becomes a blessing, an accomplishment we can all cheer about.

When the kids accompany me to the grocery store each week and see how carefully I plan a menu and buy the food we will need for the following week while keeping within our budget, they realize that $40 for a plastic toy really is a lot of money.

To my relief, even the girls have agreed that things had gotten out of hand. They are all for our downsized Christmas and have been keeping themselves busy making crafts they can’t wait to give to their family and friends.

Oh, I’m not going Grinch on anyone, we’re still going to have plenty of presents but this year some of the presents might be made from feathers that have fallen off our chickens, a hat just perfect for someone that was found at a thrift store, or ornaments made from some of the pine cones found in the back woods. Or we just might sit down, truly grateful that we are together and talk about our favorite family memories while I pass around mugs of hot chocolate with candy cane stirrers and gingerbread hot from the oven.

Wendy Thomas is an award winning journalist, columnist, and blogger who believes that taking challenges in life will always lead to goodness. She is the mother of 6 funny and creative kids and it is her goal to teach them through stories and lessons. Wendy’s current project involves writing about her family’s experiences with chickens (yes, chickens).

Food Truths for Moms of Picky Eaters

Posted on December 13, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

Today’s guest post comes from the delightful and talented Beth Bader. She is, among other things, the co-author of a great new cookbook called The Cleaner Plate Club. As a mom who is seriously challenged in the kitchen, I was thrilled to test drive this book with my daughter. It’s full of fabulous ideas for all kinds of  snacks and meals that left my seven year-old daughter saying, “Finally!  A cookbook for me!” We’ve already made the Honey-Sage Sweet Potatoes with Pasta and an appetizer that involved bread, cheese, and apples (I felt so Parisian). Both were easy, delicious, and – gasp! – healthy! Besides recipes galore, the book includes charming illustrations and a bevy of nutritional and general information tips and insights that are both fascinating and very useful. From shopping tips to a whole section on bringing your family together with food, this book is chock full of Really Good Stuff. It’s earned a coveted space not on our bookshelf, but right on the kitchen counter – where we can refer to it for inspiration and instruction at any moment. Enough of my gushing. Let’s get on with Beth’s insights about picky eaters, and then check the bottom of the post for a GIVEAWAY.

When it comes to picky eating, my kiddo has been pretty normal. I’ve realized this as we have other people’s kids at our table. There have been one or two unforgettable moments when these children have taken one look at fresh berries, meatballs and pasta and screamed at me, “I hate this! I’m not going to eat this!” before even taking a bite. Or, refused to eat anything but plain noodles and meat, not touching one another on the plate.

Worst of all, there was the heart-wrenching moment of parents admitting that, on a scale of one to ten, the best any meal at their table has ever been is a two.

I try to look at these moments as learning opportunities. Are there things I did right or am I just lucky? Both? I must not be the brightest crayon in the box because I tend to have a lot of these “learning moments.” To quote a Wally Lamb book, however, “This much, at least, I’ve figured out. I know this much is true.”

Sometimes, all the tips in the world won’t make it easy.

There are kids who have real eating issues, in rare cases requiring a feeding therapist. Conditions like ADHD and autism can add to eating challenges. Count your blessings if your kid is just in the normal range of picky. You can solve this.

Your best picky eating advice will come from your child herself.

I let my kiddo teach me how to best avoid food fights. Barely crawling, she showed an adventurous streak, a boundless love of play and a willingness to put anything — from drinking water off a manhole cover to licking a gas station bathroom door — in her mouth. By toddler years, she could throw a meltdown that could go three hours plus. At preschool graduation, she was dubbed “Future Lawyer” partly for her analytical mind and mostly for her debate skills.

I used each of these personality “quirks” in our approach to food. I made first foods a fun adventure by arming both the kiddo and I with spoons. She was allowed to feed me, too, making it a shared experience instead of Mommy shoving food at the kid. It’s really, really hard to laugh and giggle while gagging on pureed baby food, but a mother’s love can conquer all.

As my child aged into the “I do it!” control years, she became my constant kitchen companion. We explored smelling spices, choosing vegetables at the market, tasting and preparing things together. It gave her an outlet for her very strong control need. It made a massive mess in my kitchen, but extra dishes are easier than table wars hands down.

With her newfound verbal skills and a brain that constantly, constantly churns, my “future lawyer” enjoys reading cookbooks with me, finding foods she would like to try, then tasting and evaluating them as a family. It’s not unusual for me to ask, “I think this needs more vinegar, what do you think?” Or, “this is not the best way I like carrots, either, what recipe do you like best?”

I’d like to think I had some small role in how much easier my child can be than others when it comes to food. (Note: that’s only about food!) Truth is, all I did was observe and let her be my guide. You know your child best. You will find your happy path together. Let the fun — really, FUN — begin.

There are a few universal truths that can help you.

• Food issues can be with color, texture and taste, and quite often more about control than food. Try different approaches with an open mind to solve the issue without stress.
• It can take up to fifteen exposures to a new food before a child will like or even try it. Fifteen! Don’t give up too soon.
• Stack the odds in your favor by serving the new food alongside proven favorites. You won’t have to worry if your child is leaving the table hungry.
• Enjoy your food. Your healthy food. The number one predictor of the number of fruits and vegetables your child eats is how many you eat yourself!
• Your food critic writes in crayon. Don’t take his criticism of your efforts personally.
• Now, enjoy your dinner. Really. Enjoy.

Finally, sometimes there is no win — in the short term.

There will be bad days. There will be days when your child hates food he loved just yesterday. There will be painful dinners just like there are difficult days in general. Raising a healthy eater is a long process just like raising your kid on the whole. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. You’ll make it.

GIVEAWAY: If you’d like to make things easier for you on those challenging days, I really do recommend Beth’s book The Cleaner Plate Club. Beth, along with co-author Ali Benjamin, has done an amazing job of creating a cookbook that both moms and kids can enjoy and learn from. I’m willing to bet you’ll use this book not only as a cookbook, but as a general guide to food and source of inspiration when you’re wandering around in a daze wondering what the heck is for dinner. Beth has graciously agreed to give away three copies to three random Fans of Being a Mom winners. To enter, just leave a comment below before midnight EST this Friday (December 16th) telling us your best picky eater story. If you’re one of our randomly selected winners, we’ll be in touch by email to get all your shipping details so Beth can send out your book and you can get cookin’.

About the author: Co-author of The Cleaner Plate Club: Recipes and Advice for Getting Real Kids to Love Real Food. Beth Bader has been a photojournalist, writer, and shark wrangler. As much activist as cook, she is, most of all, a mom determined to make the world a better place for her child, one meal at a time. She is a food blogger at Expatriate’s Kitchen expatriateskitchen.blogspot.com and contributes to EatLocalChallenge.com and EatDrinkBetter.com.

Image Credit: mrgreen09

I am mom, I am …

Posted on December 6, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

I am mom, hear me roar.

I am the matriarch, the task master, and the manager.

I am the protector – mama bear in all her fierceness and courage.

I am the healer of boo-boos, sickness, and hurt feelings.

I am the one who answers the question “why” … even when I have to make it up.

I am head of inventory, making sure we never run out of bread or milk or toilet paper.

I am a tutor, trying to keep pace with my student.

I am the voice of the law, making and enforcing house rules.

I am a cradle, rocking my child to sleep, soothing with stories and lullabies.

I am a master chef, trained in appeasing the finicky appetites of toddlers and preschoolers.

I am a chauffeur, on a tight schedule, making my way from stop to stop and back again.

I am an ally and a friend.

I’m the straight man.

I am invisible when I’m supposed to be, careful not to infringe on my child’s independence.

I am a singer of duets, a dance partner, and an artistic collaborator.

I am a cheerleader.

I am a safe haven, an always-open door, the light in the window that never goes out.

I am a conscience, wielding guilt with grace and good intentions.

I am a guru, imparting what wisdom I hold so that my child may grow wiser than me.

I am a student, learning at my child’s knee – discovering how much I don’t know.

I am the luckiest person in the world to walk through this life in this role, with my child at my side.

Image Credit: Photo of John Henry Twatchman’s painting by David Flam

My child is ….

Posted on November 29, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

My child is my second heartbeat, a sparkling piece of my own spirit who walks the world and creates her own light.

My child is a magical dichotomy of sweetness and fire. Her mercurial moods reflect the molten state of her personality as it is formed right before my eyes.

My child is an adventure, greater than any trek or expedition I could contrive. She is a world in herself and I am the explorer – navigating my way through unknown territory and discovering so much about her and myself.

My child is a challenge. She brings out my best and my worst. She pushes my buttons, my limits, and my boundaries. She is the reason I continue stretching and growing and learning.

My child is my second chance at being in the world in the way we’re meant to be in the world. She gives me new sight, new sense, new perspective. She lets me see the world, once again, as a place full of possibilities.

My child is my peace. When I stand in the presence of her sleeping form, I feel that all is right with the world.

My child is an open ended question with no wrong answer.

My child is joy. She is so full of mischief and mirth. Her joy in making others laugh is enough to fill my heart to bursting.

My child is a dream that hasn’t been dreamed yet. She is concentrated potential – bright and glittering, but with an indistinct form.

My child is a force of nature, making her way through the world in turns like a spring zephyr and then a raging hurricane.

My child is an artist, singing, dancing, and drawing her way through her days. She is a creator and a magician – letting her inspiration guide her without inhibition.

My child is a gift. She is a gift to me, to my family, to the world.

Image Credit: Dan Slee

You’re wrong, Mom

Posted on November 15, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie

It’s official. My daughter no longer hangs on my every word. The other day she asked me, “Mom, why do pine cones fall from the trees?” I was giddy to venture into a seemingly mature discussion about plant reproduction. And then, before I’d barely gotten the first sentence out, she turned into an irrational know-it-all. “Mom, that’s NOT TRUE! Pine cones fall off trees because ants use them as shovels! Hmph!”

Um… seriously?

I gave up this conversation quickly because a) I found her explanation to be creative and hilarious, and b) I remembered a line from one of my childhood development books: Not even a Supreme Court judge can effectively win a debate with a 4 year-old.

As I sat there, unable to craft an appropriate comeback, I realized that this same scenario had played out before. In fact, I’d been in the same position about a million times in the last few weeks! Could it be true? My sweet little maiden no longer thinks I’m the smartest person in the world?

“You got it, Mom.”

Sadly for me, it is true. After descending into these arguments over and over, I‘m finally getting it — I do not, at the moment, hold the key to life’s mysteries, minor trivia or well-known facts of record. And despite my argumentative nature and inability to let incorrect assumptions slide, I’m quickly learning that in the case of the great debate with the preschool set, it’s really not worth it.

Here’s why.

Preschoolers have no problem contradicting the obvious.

Explaining the origins of things like maple syrup, grape jam, and ketchup is trickier than you might think. “What’s ketchup made of Mom?” Despite, the picture of a red, dew-drenched tomato on the bottle, the response is, “No, Mom, ketchup is definitely not made from tomatoes. I hate tomatoes!” Despite more proof (a recipe, the Wikipedia “ketchup” page, and a tomato paste taste test) my daughter remains unflappable. “Sorry, Mom. You’re WRONG! I would NEVER eat ketchup if it was made of tomatoes, and it’s one of my favorite things!”

Let them think what they think. They’ll figure it out later.

My daughter’s current passion is letters. As a writer and word-lover, it pains me that she thinks “C” always sounds like “S.” I’ve tried to set her straight—reading is important! But there’s no messing with my mini expert. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that she’ll eventually figure it out on her own. She’ll come racing to me one day with an epiphany about words like  “calico” and “curlicue,” and I’ll do a happy dance in the middle of the library for all to see. But, for now, I just have to accept defeat.

The KISS approach is brilliant in many situations.

Experts tell you discipline should be quick: don’t show emotion, limit your words, hold eye contact. I think the same holds true for answers to complex questions. A good answer to, “Mom, why don’t dandelions have a smell,” is “Oh, honey, just because.” Or I pitch the question back to her, “I’m not sure. What do you think?” Sometimes the best offense is keeping a stupidly simple defense.

I suppose what I’m really meant to learn through this stage is that her thoughts about the world – although sometimes fantastical, inaccurate, and completely opposite to my own – are valuable simply because they matter to her. She will eventually “get it” and accept the harsh truth about ketchup. I shouldn’t worry. (No child was ever kicked out of preschool for such misconceptions, right?) More importantly, she is learning to be a strong person – capable of expressing her ideas, processing information, and reaching conclusions all by herself.

It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s not about me. It’s about her gaining the confidence to make a statement about something she finds interesting. And when the day comes that she is truly ready to hear my thoughts on the scientific functions of the conifer’s most important asset, well, that will be a sweet piece of motherhood pie.

Does your child disagree with your answers to their questions? Do you debate with them, or let it go?

Sarah Daily is a writer, marketing professional, and owner of a hyper-local social network for mothers in Bend, Oregon. She believes strongly that when mothers get together behind matters of good for the world and their children, amazing things can happen. She is the mother of one almost 5 year-old girl who has the innate ability to sense the moment she tiptoes out of the room to catch a phone call, but also blesses her with laughter and joy making most of the interruptions a welcome blessing.

Image Credit: Caselet