Never too old to be a princess

Posted on January 31, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

The other day I took my two daughters, ages 12 and 13, to Disney on Ice. It was one of those things I had never been able to get around to when they were younger, and I had always felt a little guilty about that. Bu,t we had the night free so I decided to take them. Better late than never, I figured.

Once we were inside the building, my heart sank. My two girls were among the oldest children there, and everywhere you looked you saw miniature Disney princesses wearing jeweled tiaras and tiny Woodys and Buzz Lightyears from Toy Story. “They’re so cute” my older daughter Addy said, as she looked at all the kids holding their parent’s hands.

My girls are probably too old for this, I thought, as we headed to our seats. Oh man, I blew it this time. There is no bigger parenting mistake a mom can make than to treat a teen like they’re still a little kid. And here I was, making that classic mistake. Sitting next to us was a young mother holding a baby not more than 7 months old in her lap. “Isn’t she a bit young?” Addy whispered to me. “How is she even going to remember this?” Behind us sat another family with a young woman and her friend. We all patiently waited for the show to begin.

The lights dimmed and Mickey and Minnie Mouse came out to begin the performance. I stole quick glances at my daughters. Both were watching the show a little smugly – kind of the way Middle schoolers look at preschoolers in the sandbox. Cute, but I’m too cool to go there.

And then something happened. Between the lights, the Disney characters, and the songs (gotta confess here, I even sang along with a few myself) a little bit of magic happened. The little baby sitting next to us was clapping her hands and laughing at the performers’ antics. The young woman behind us squealed like a fan at a Justin Beiber Concert each time she saw one of her favorite Disney characters, and my girls got quiet, very quiet. They sat and watched the show, hardly breathing, eyes wide.

This was no baby show. This was magic right in front of their eyes.

At one point in the performance, all the Disney Princesses and Princes came out for a love song number. Unable to take it any longer, when my youngest daughter Emma saw her favorite Princess come out she leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed deeply. Since she was three and we had lost her in an amusement park because she wanted to go back and visit Cinderella, Emma has always wanted to be Cinderella. Emma didn’t move during the rest of the number. It was all so beautiful.

At the end of the dance, my daughter looked up at me. “Mom,” she said, “when I get married, I want to have a sparkly dress just like that,” she said, pointing to the light blue Cinderella outfit the skater was wearing.

After the princess number, something released and my girls joined right in. They clapped as hard as the baby did and squealed just like the young woman behind us. They loved the show, laughed at the jokes, were impressed by the athletics, and knew all the songs. Neither of them wanted it to end and like everyone else in the audience were still smiling when they got up from their seats to leave.

“Mom, that was great,” they both said to me as we made our way back to the car. They were still discussing who had the best costumes, what the funniest parts of the show was, and who had the best skating moves, when we walked in our front door.

I had been wrong, so very, very wrong. It doesn’t matter how old you are, Disney is somehow able to perform magic on every kid (and adult.) There is something about seeing the characters you grew up with performing right in front of your eyes that makes you believe in happiness and dreams coming true.

Me, the mother of six, learned a few things about parenting that night, thanks to Disney on Ice. I learned that even though my daughters are both getting older, they’re both really not that far away from being the little kids they were, it seems, just yesterday.

And Disney on Ice and my girls taught me that no matter what how old you are, you’re never, ever too old to want to be a princess.

Wendy Thomas is an award winning journalist, columnist, and blogger who believes that taking challenges in life will always lead to goodness. She is the mother of 6 funny and creative kids and it is her goal to teach them through stories and lessons. Wendy’s current project involves writing about her family’s experiences with chickens (yes, chickens).

3-Word Family Values

Posted on January 24, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

If you had to choose three words for your family to live by, what would they be?

At the beginning of the year, many people passed on making resolutions, opting instead to give the “three words” approach a try. Rather than setting specific goals, these people chose three words that represented the big ideas and values they wanted to embrace in the New Year. The idea is to hold these words as both inspiration and guidance. The goal is to practice living the words, rather than attempting to attain some specific goal. It’s a gentler, deeper way to think about changing our habits and our lives.

Well, the “three words” practice got me to thinking not only about my personal values, but my professional values, and my family values. Could I come up with three words that would embody everything I feel and believe about family? It’s harder than it sounds. At first, the words come tumbling at you – honesty, trust, unconditional, forever, always, comfort, loyalty, priority – but if you sit with this long enough, you start to wonder how you can pick just three … and which three should those be?

If you had to explain the concept of family to an alien who was born in a test tube, what words would you use? What is it that makes a group of people – bound by blood or other ties – a “family?” Is it about tenderness and intimacy? Is it about responsibility and obligation? Is it about love and courage? Faith? Growth? Sacrifice? Sharing? Joy? Laughter?

What does family mean to you? Which three words would you choose? Are they words you already live by, or words you aspire to live ore fully?

Image Credit: Love Sweet Love

Mommy Brain: Myth or Reality?

Posted on January 17, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

My daughter has a birthday this week. As of this Wednesday, I will have been doing this motherhood thing for eight years (nine, if you count the being pregnant part). I can hardly believe that I’ve got nearly a decade under my belt and I still don’t know what I’m doing.

As I careen towards this latest milestone, I find myself reflecting on how being a mom has changed me – specifically in terms of whether it has made me brainier … or not.  “Mommy brain” is something we’ve all dealt with. It’s what makes you put the milk away in the pantry instead of the fridge, leave your coffee on the roof of the car, and occasionally forget the names of your children. Mommy brain is the result of mixing enormous amounts of work and responsibility with equal parts stress and sleep deprivation. It’s a powerful combination that can definitely leave you feeling like you’ve lost a few brain cells.

But, could motherhood also make you smarter? A ten-year study done at the Australian National University in Canberra concludes that there’s no such thing as “mommy brain.” In fact, their data provides evidence that pregnancy and motherhood actually boost a woman’s brain capacity and performance. As one observer said of life as a mom, “When you have small to medium-sized children, your faculties adjust so you can deal with five unexpected, stressful things all at the same time.” She’s not kidding. I only have one child and I definitely had to learn how to handle all kinds of things – at the same time, with no training, and without any sleep.

Even now that my daughter is more grown up, I’m on the fence about whether motherhood handicaps my intellect, or gives it super powers. Some days I feel like the endless routine of my days sucks the brain cells right out of my head, leaving me capable of little more than plopping myself in front of the TV to watch America Idol. Other days, I know that the opportunity to see the world through my daughter’s eyes is giving me a whole new perspective that is broadening my intellectual horizons. I know that being someone’s mom inspires me to do things I might not otherwise have attempted – like starting my own business, singing on stage, and learning trapeze. I know that juggling responsibilities, learning new mommy skills, and adapting on-the-fly is teaching me how to think on my feet.

I think mommy brain exists, but I think it’s an intermittent and temporary condition that afflicts us when we’ve pushed ourselves just a bit too far … when we burn the candle at both ends and stick an extra wick in the middle just for fun. Most of the time, I think motherhood makes us not only smarter, but also wiser. After all, how else would we manage to keep up with our kids and keep our sense of humor?

What do you think? Mommy brain – brain suck, or brain boost?

Image Credit: avlxyz

I had a dream, mama …

Posted on January 11, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

“Mom! I had a dream last night that I had a pet tiger I could ride and then I baked a ginormous birthday cake the size of our house with sparkle frosting and firework candles as big as me and then we all went on a roller coaster like the one at Disney World and I didn’t fall out even though I wasn’t buckled in …”

My daughter loves to tell me her dreams. Each morning when we wake up, she starts her day with the words, “I had a dream last night …” She takes such delight in the wildness of her imagination. Each night is filled with adventures to rival the most far-out fantasy and science fiction tales of our time. Last night, she and I sprouted fairy wings and were flying around the house. The night before that, she dreamt there were ponies in the living room, and the night before that she dreamt our whole family went on a theme park ride that was straight out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The child never rests, even when she’s sleeping!

I have to smile as I listen to these nocturnal stories. When I was a kid, I did the same thing to my mom. Each morning I’d regale her with tales of the previous night’s crazy journey. I’ve always been a person who dreams a complete story arc, so my retelling could last all the way through breakfast. I still have a dream journal that I kept when I was younger – filled with sometimes detailed and sometimes cryptic notes about my nightly wanderings.

Asking kids about their dreams is like asking them what they want to be when they grow up. It gives us a peek inside their world. It is fascinating to see how they interpret their experiences and transform them into their own inner folklore.  I listen to see if my child casts herself as the hero or the villain, the protagonist or the victim. I love when I notice small details that sprang from our waking day into her nighttime thoughts.

And dreams can often provide insight into how our children are feeling about different situations and events. A mom can use her intuition to see connections between themes in dreams and things that are happening in real life. Sometimes how a thing plays out in a dream can give us hints about how our child is dealing with the real life circumstance. We can unearth deep feelings and gain guidance about what we, as mothers, might need to say to comfort or encourage our children.

Dreams: another tool in mom’s bag of tricks. Does your child share dream stories? Do you share yours? Have you ever found that the sharing helped you navigate real life situations?

Image Credit: h. koppdelaney

Why resolutions make this mom scream

Posted on January 3, 2012 by FoBaM-Jamie

I love the New Year. It’s all fresh and unspoiled, full of possibilities, lacking the grime and rust and dust bunnies that have accumulated on the old year. A New Year gives us hope – a fresh start – a second chance. But then there are those nasty resolutions. I do not love resolutions. In my experience, resolutions are one of the most reliable forms of self-defeating torture ever devised. They set me up for failure and disappointment every time. And – let me tell you – I don’t need any help in that category. I can rack up quite a lot of failure and disappointment all on my own.

It’s not that I don’t want to be a better person and improve myself. I do. It’s just that – as a mom – there are so many “me’s” to work on, the prospect is rather daunting. There’s the mom-me who would like to be more patient with the kids, put together a healthier menu (and have sit down dinners for a change!), and wean herself off her addiction to multi-tasking. There’s the significant other-me who would like to make more time for date nights, learn to transition more smoothly from mommy-mode to girlfriend mode, and maybe (once in a while) go to bed wearing something other than flannel. There’s the professional-me who wants to launch a new business, learn how to use online bookkeeping software, and finally organize my list of contacts. The “me-me” would like to lose 20 lbs, get back into yoga, and figure out how to make more time for my girlfriends. Oh … and then there’s the “other” me who would like to (finally!) write her book, maybe take some gourmet cooking classes, and definitely make more time for reading.

It’s a lot to take in, right?

Even if I only chose one resolution per “me,” that’d still be at least five resolutions. Let’s be serious. I’m a busy, working, single mom. If I can even keep up with one resolution, it’ll be a miracle worthy of the supermarket tabloids! And how do I decide which me gets priority? Should it always be the mom-me? What about the “other” me? Doesn’t she rate? I start to wonder if I should tackle one resolution each month and try to cram them all in before next New Year’s Eve.

But after my head stops spinning, I decide to just give up. Truth is, I’ve never once in my life stuck it out with a single resolution. I’ve made them and then – like the massive majority of human beings on the planet – “forgotten” about them around January 24^th, conveniently sweeping them under the rug of Real Life. Instead, this year, I’ve decided to focus on one word … well, three words, actually. It’s a new practice I stumbled upon while frittering away my hours reading other people’s blogs. The idea is you pick one word to inspire you for the year. One word. I can handle that. The best part is that the interpretation of that word is up to you, and it can change to adapt to various situations. So, I’m thinking that I can’t lose. If I’m feeling like I’m coming up short, I’ll just adjust my interpretation of my word, and – voila! – I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

What about you? Do you make resolutions? How do they work for you? Have you ever tried the “word of the year” thing? What do you think of that? What word would you choose for yourself in 2012? Sparkle? Courage? Passion? Calm? What feels like a good way to start this year off?

Image Credit: Salvis Are