Mommy Speed Bumps (and a book giveaway)
Posted on February 3, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
Today’s guest post was provided by the two-mom team behind a great little book called Food for Thoughtful Parenting. Nina and Tara have created a book of 12 must-have lists for new parents and young families. It’s full of bite-sized pieces of parenting wisdom that are full of compassion and good humor. In this post, they share their advice for getting over the “speed bumps” that are part of every mom’s daily journey. Check out the bottom of the post for a chance to win a copy of their book.
He doesn’t want to put on his jacket. It’s cold. And you’re in a hurry. She wants to ride the escalator at the mall. But you’re so close to finishing your errands and you have to get home to make dinner. You have to finish your proposal by 5. It’s 4:15 and distraction and snacks are no longer working. There’s a toddler at your feet, again!
As parents, our days are filled with these “bumps in the road,” little power struggles as our children’s desires and our adult reason (and practical needs) collide. At every bump there are choices we make: do we threaten? Yell? Try to negotiate? Give up and let them go out without a jacket?
To be better prepared to face these inevitable “bumps,” we offer up some strategies that help us get through with both kid and parent feeling more satisfied on the other side.
Smoothing the Bumps
1. Surrender 15 minutes
2. “Puppetshow it!”
3. Say “yes” when you can
1. Surrender 15 minutes. Balancing children’s demands and a parent’s desire to get things done is one of the hallmark struggles of having young kids. Some days it feels like you can’t even use the toilet in peace, let alone take a shower or return a phone call. When tensions mount, try the unexpected. Give in. Drop everything and surrender 15 minutes and do whatever your child wants. Sit and read, build with blocks, let them sit on your lap and type letters on the keyboard. Lavish them with love and attention. These moments when children seem particularly needy are when they feel us, their parents, pulling away into our own worlds. Show them that we’re still here for them in the most over-the-top way and then they may wander off contented and buoyed by renewed connection.
2. “Puppetshow it!” That’s the phrase my son made up to ask me to animate objects to make whatever we were doing a little more palatable. When you want to add some fun to the more routine parts of the day, we say “puppetshow it!” Almost anything can have a puppet alter-ego. The washcloth can “eat” the breakfast mess off your child’s face while it comments on the morning’s offerings in a silly voice: “Mmmm eggs! And Ummm JAM! And what is this way over here? Did you eat something with your ear?!” Or have a favorite doll administer the medicine your child may be reluctant to take. A useful and playful addition to any day with kids!
3. Say “yes” when you can. It can be dismaying how frequently the knee-jerk response to children’s desires is “no.” If you find yourself spending too much time in the “no” place, try filtering kids’ requests with “can I say yes here?” Sure, we’re all nagged by the fear that this kind of general indulgence might lead to bad habits and spoiled kids, but we’ve found that in this frame our kids actually hear the “nos” better, since they are less frequent and more meaningful.
During chaotic days filled with errands and crowds and waiting, it’s astonishing how a little “yes” in an unexpected place (“wow … Mom usually doesn’t let me take a lollipop…”) can help get through a rough spot or bank some good will for later.
The above tips are from our new book, food for thoughtful parenting, a collection of best moves and modern mantras for helping us be the parents we want to be more of the time.
Want more? (They’re not all about getting through tough spots!) Share one of your go-to tactics in the comments below and you’ll be entered to win one of three copies of the book we’ll give away.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
A RIDDLE: What happens when Nina, a high-energy, hockey-playing, food-loving, Steelers-rooting woman with stints in strategy consulting, biotech drug development and a dotcom start-up and Tara, a creative, calm, road-running, graphics’ designer with stints in curriculum development and Asian art museums meet during the throes of parenting at a Watertown, MA preschool?
THE ANSWER: They harness their different life experiences and contrasting personalities and write a book about parenting! Food for Thoughtful Parenting is an outstanding little book of modern mantras for happier parenting.
Image Credit: Andrew Rivett
We use tickle fights as tension breakers when we can – a good laugh-fest often helps!
We have races, timed, to see how fast my son can do things. i.e. cleaning up toys or getting dressed.
We either sing “Wheels on the Bus” or tickle-pokes.
When the stresses of being a parent and everyday life start to hit me, I love to do an activity with my daughter that make me feel like a kid again. It could be pulling out a color book or playing on the playground structure with my little girl, having her chase me. Something to make her laugh and say, “mommy your bein’ silly” Something unexpected that she likes to do but didn’t ask for, or even if its me trying to distract her from what made her upset. Even if it is for 10 minutes. It makes me forget the stresses, makes her happy and there is nothing better than seeing my child smile and laugh. Makes my heart melt.
I usually distract him, by getting him to go look for something for me or take something somewhere and put it away, it seems to work for now.
We do Yoga and then we play a clam game and looking for good in everyone that we know.
When I want my kids to clean up, I tell them we are going on a “hunt” for specific items laying on the floor(hunt for blocks, then dolls, then action figures, etc.). It’s less overwhelming for them to look for only one kind of toy at a time, and they think they are finding them, and end up asking for more things to find!
Wow – you guys are so creative. I’m inspired!
Stop taking life so seriously.
Be silly, get creative. Do some yoga or stretches. Make a funny face. Sing a song (even if it is off key). Laugh out loud!
A little healthy competition between siblings – to see who can clean up first! The winner gets bragging rights.
We look at books. DS loves books and a little story telling goes a long way!
Every night we have what we call the highs and lows at dinner. We each discuss at least two highs and two lows of our days. You wouldnt believe the things you might never know that is going on in your children’s worlds. Sometimes its silly stuff, like, “My friend Sophie burped (from my kindergartner) in the middle of class.” It is a time that we can all come together and share, talk and be there for one another…to listen!