I gave up sending holiday cards years ago, but apparently some interpid moms still make the effort. I’m not sure if I think they are crazy or superheroes. Today, guest writer Antonia Luff Tagupa shares her hysterical take on the whole holiday card scene with a true story that will either make you laugh or cringe. Enjoy!

Not everyone realizes that the holidays are a competitive sport; but moms do. Moms know full well that the first one to get her photo holiday card in the mail wins.

The design and execution of the photo holiday card is arguably the most prestigious event of the entire holiday season, winner takes all. There is some quality control, such as the number of photos on the card, and the flawlessness of each picture, but really, it’s the first one out that takes the win.

And why not? To achieve this honor means that you must have purchased the kids’ most-adorable holiday outfits back in September before they all sold out. It means that you somehow managed to get your kids into these outfits for no less than three different sittings, for an average of thirty photos each. At least one of these of these photos shoots will have been staged in front of a roaring fire, which you would have made in your living room fireplace during what was probably a freakishly warm day in October. Another photo shoot will have been staged in front of your beautiful holiday decorations, which would have been purchased and hung up no later than mid-November. And still another photo shoot will have been staged as a spontaneous fun filled family occasion such as making cookies—oh, the laughter and merriment in these impromptu moments!

You will then have stayed up late, very late, on the computer one night using all your powers of (sleep deprived) concentration to piece together your perfect card. But at last, your order is complete! Your only job now is to anxiously wait the 3-7 business days for their arrival. Having already purchased your most-appropriate holiday stamps, you’re more than ready to start addressing the envelopes the instant they arrive.

After all 122 perfect photo holiday cards have been stuffed, stamped, and mailed, you’re done. You’ve finished, and the only thing left to do is hope that no-one else’s holiday card arrives before yours (excluding non-photo holiday cards—they don’t count). When two or three days have passed without getting a single card from any of your competitors, you can relax. You did it! You have won the most coveted of all the holiday sporting events! Aaah, the peace and satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that each of the 122 people who received your card—the first card of the holiday season—will now harbor a mix of jealously and resentment toward you for the next 365 days!

For all the holiday joy that you’ve deprived yourself of all season long, you finally decide to relax. The kids are in bed, you’ve made yourself a cup of tea, and you sit back to gaze upon your holiday card. You stare lovingly at the faces of each of your well dressed (if not entirely happy) children. You gently open your award winning card and look upon the brief, yet appropriate, holiday message in each card. And then, and only then, do you see that your daughter’s name is misspelled.

Toni Tagupa is a stay-at-home mother of two girls and a dog—plenty of material for her to poke fun at. In her spare time Toni obsesses about her Christmas card, school drop-off, and her recycling. Writing is her favorite outlet.

Image Credit: Rocketeer