Need a mommy lifeline?
Posted on October 28, 2010 by FoBaM-Jamie
Two years ago, I stumbled across a book that turned out to be not a book, but a life raft. My daughter was almost five, I was recently divorced and doubting my abilities – my very worthiness – as a mother. I felt almost as frantic, frazzled, and frustrated as I had during the acid reflux-ridden and sleepless first year of my daughter’s life. I found this book on the shelf of an independent bookstore in Portsmouth, NH and knew from the first chapter that I’d found a different kind of “parenting” book.
The book was Momma Zen – walking the crooked path of motherhood, and it’s one I still turn to for comfort and guidance. In September, my mom and I attended a one-day retreat with the author, Karen Maezen Miller. It was a perfect day – spent with my mom, seventy or so other women, Karen, and her friend and guest, Katrina Kenison, author of The Gift of an Ordinary Day. We spent six wonderfully connected and open hours learning about ourselves and each other. Karen shared her experiences with Zen Buddhism and talked about her latest book, Hand Wash Cold – care instructions for an ordinary life.
To give you a sense of the kind of a-has Karen’s books deliver, here are two of my favorite lessons from her retreat:
Lose Expectations
I suppose it’s very basic Zen, but learning to let go of my expectations has had a huge and positive impact on my happiness. I never realized how I was constantly setting myself up for disappointment simply by expecting things to go this way or that. And we all know how infrequently things go as planned when kids are in the mix! Enjoying things as they are instead of measuring them against the way you think they “should” be makes you a happier, more relaxed mom.
Motherhood Takes Practice
This one hit me over the head. In order to be good at something, you have to practice. This is common knowledge, and yet – as moms – we’re expected to know everything right out of the gate. How crazy is that? We put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves to do it “right” without ever having the benefit of so much as a day’s practice. Cut yourself some slack. You’re mom, but you’re not perfect. You’re going to mess up, but that’s okay. It’s all part of practicing the fine art of motherhood.
What would you like to ask Karen?
I’m so pleased to be able to invite you, our Fans of Being a Mom readers, to join me in a blog Q&A with Karen. She has graciously and enthusiastically offered to answer some of your questions about kids, motherhood, and life in general. Anything is fair game. What leaves you feeling a little less than Zen about your day-to-day experience? What mystery of motherhood would you like unraveled?
No question is too simple, too complex, or too far out. The beauty of what Karen does lies in her ability to get to the heart of things with an elegant simplicity that leaves you saying, “Oh … I get it!” It’s a wonderful feeling that stays with you even when the kids start throwing macaroni and cheese to see if it’ll stick to the ceiling.
TO ASK A QUESTION, just leave a comment below. Karen will answer as many as she has time for and we’ll post her responses on the blog next week.
Karen will also be giving away one signed copy of each of her books. If you’d like to be entered into the RANDOM DRAWING, say so in your comment and let us know which book you’d prefer. EDITOR’S NOTE (Sunday, Oct 31st at noon EST): Thanks to everyone who commented and requested to be entered into the book drawing. Entries will be closed at midnight EST tonight (Happy Halloween!), and we will select winners Monday morning.
EDITOR’s NOTE (Monday, Nov 8th): Our winners have been chosen & have accepted their prizes. Karen will be shipping a copy of Momma Zen off to Maryland and a copy of Hand Wash Cold up to Saskatoon, Canada. Congrats to both winners!
Thanks & here’s to being happy, Zen Mommas one and all!
About Karen MaezenMiller (from her Web site): I call myself an errant wife, delinquent mother, reluctant dog walker, expert laundress and stationmaster of the full catastrophe. I’m also a Zen Buddhist priest and teacher, or sensei, at the Hazy Moon Zen Center in Los Angeles. Don’t let that last part confuse you. I’m not the kind of priest you have pictured in your mind. I’m the kind of priest that looks a lot like you do, doing the same kinds of things you do, every day.
If every Tuesday afternoon you wheeled your garbage cans out to the curb and saw your next-door neighbor doing the very same thing, your neighbor would be me.
Image Credit: John A. Ryan
What do you do when your 4 year old is just out right defiant….how do you keep your cool? I would love to win MommaZen….I think I could use the lifeline as well!
Karen,
I am a mom of three wonderful girls (5, 4, and 3). Having them so close together is great at times but so often I feel overwhelmed with all the drama. I find myself yelling a lot which is something I DID NOT want to do with my kids. I feel like they don’t listen sometimes unless I yell. I hate losing my patience with my girls and I know the stress isn’t good for me either. How do I deal with the drama and stresses without losing it?!
I would love to be entered in the drawing for on of your books…Momma Zen sounds like what I need.
Thank You
My question is..i am a mother of 16 month old twins and a 5 yr old..i dont get much help from family and husband abd recently my daughter has started telling me i dont love her and she wishes it was just her again….how do i handle this….? she has been very hard to handle and disapline because she says i dont disapline her brothers…i an stuck and i dont want to resent staying home because all we do is argue….thanks for any help
I struggle with my eldest daughter who just turned 18. She seems so lost and on sooo many different paths and at times these are not good paths. I feel I have held her hand too long and she is not ready for the world. We have had to move three times in her HS years and I fear she will look back on her life and hate us. I struggle with what we had to do in moving her and often feel like a terrible parent for doing that to her. I don’t feel like a good person.
Please enter me in the drawing
Thank you
I’m a single mother of a 10 year old girl. I’ve had full custody of her from day one, her father wants nothing to do with her.
I spent 4th grade homeschooling her and this year (5th grade) I find myself being overly particular with her homework…making sure it’s neat, done properly, the whole nine yards. The problem is I find myself being WAY too nit picky. What can I do to take a step back but still be involved in my daughter’s schooling? I want the best for her, but also just want her to do her best.
A copy of the book MommaZen may just be what I’m looking for in order to take a more relaxed look at parenting.
Thank you!
How do you get past the pressure of OTHER Moms… My Mom, Mother-in-law, and all the lovely Mommies who offer free unwanted advise? My 2 year son is a very easy going and low stress kind of kid. I don’t want my worries to rub off on him.
I would love to be entered for the Momma Zen – walking the crooked path of motherhood.
Hi. Thanks for sharing the above lessons/advice and taking the time to answer questions. My question is how to stay positive in a world that is so negative? I struggle with this every day, as I have a lot of negative energy in my extended family, office, etc. and sometimes it just seems so hard to stay happy and focused on my children and husband. Any advice. I’d love a chance to win one of your books as well, Momma Zen sounds great!
How do I keep a zen like attitude when I have a 13 yr old girl with severe ADHD? I need all the help I can get cause she is the oldest of 5 and is teacher her Siblings by the way she acts. They are picking up on the way she treats us and it’s not good. I am beside myself. I would like to win a copy of any of your bookS but Momma Zen might be the best to help me keep a zen life for me.
Hi Karen,
thanks.
Thanks for taking questions. I’m a relatively new mom. My son is 14 months old. I’m 37 and work full time. My question actually relates to expectations–of myself and my husband. I get frustrated when I feel that I’m ‘doing more’ of the work at home. I get up thinking of what’s for dinner or a plan for what needs done that day. Constantly picking up after son, dad, cats, etc. Dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry plus a full work load. I expect my home to be clean and it’s very hard for me to not be ‘doing’ something. OK, question: how do I knock it off? How do I, I guess, lower expectations? My husband is so annoyed with me. I get pissy at him when things don’t go right. He actually said last night that he does not enjoy coming home any more…HELP. I’m a very detailed person and really need advice on how to let things Be.
Thanks, in advance for any advice you can give. As for the book, I’d love it and think the ‘Mamma Zen’ would be perfect…although if I don’t get chosen, I’ll most likely pick it up next time I’m at the bookstore.
I am going through a difficult divorce and often find my patience is wearing thin with my daughters due to the extreme stress and emotional strain. I would love a resource to turn to to help me cope so I can continue to be the best mother I can be to my beautiful girls. I would love a copy of Karen’s latest book, Hand Wash Cold – care instructions for an ordinary life. Thank you.
I am really having trouble raising my 5 yr old daughter. I only have her week on week off. I feel she is mad at me for letting her go. we do nothing but argue for three days till she learns whos boss. She is very diplimatic about everything and its all my fault. How can i stop my daughter from thinking this way?
I would love to have your new book, MommaZen!I am a 36 yr old mother of three boys, ages 12, 7, and 6. I try so hard to keep my expectations lower but fail, alot! My oldest was abused by a relative, after my divorce from his father. My 7 yr old has learning disabilities and I have two parents who are physically disabled. I find it more difficult everyday to keep my head in the right place. I try to keep it together and some pointers and advice would be heaven-sent! When my 12 yr old was diagnosed with a heart disease in April, I believe I began stage one of a mental and emotional breakdown. Some days are very good, others~ well, there is alot of yelling and crying(by me). I just came across this site on facebook and I believe you are an angel on earth for sharing this info with others! Thank you, from the bottom of my broken mommy heart
I have a 4 1/2 year old little boy, he is what keeps me going. But in the same breathe, he is what keeps me crazy and stressed too. He has his times, when he yells, hits, says I don’t like you, your mean, ugly. He can go from happy go lucky to I want it my way or not, and very hateful in a matter of seconds. Any advise from you would be very much appreciated. And I would love to be put in the drawing for one of your books. Momma Zen would be nice, but any would be fine with me. Thank you.
I would love to read your book, MommaZen. I am a step-mother to a daughter that does not have any involvement from her biological mother. I dont’ want her to “fall throught the cracks” as they say, and have been really questioning myself lately as to wether I am doing a good job as her mother figure. It is an emotional journey for me and very scarey. I want her to grow up knowing that she is loved and full of worth. Thank you!
I would love a chance to win the Momma Zen book. As a mother to twin two year olds and a 4 month old I find myself overwhelmed quite frequently. Every day goes by with me feeling overwhelmed, out of control and frustrated. I try to not show that to my kids, so I could really use some help – especially since I am a control freak and a wanna be perfectionist!
Hi Karen! I am the mother of two boys (5 and 1). I’m usually a very even-tempered person and most of the time, life runs pretty smoothly for us. That is until the dreaded PMS strikes, then Momma gets a little crazy; crying about commercials, snapping at everyone, mood swings. So my question is: What steps can I take to control my PMS symptoms without resorting to prescription mediciation with their horrible side effects?
I would love a chance to win a copy of Momma Zen.
Thanks!
Worst Enemies…as a mom of 4 and a daycare mom to 9 I have experienced many pleasures and struggles. My biggest struggle has grown the last 2 years. My two boys are 13 and 9 and they have way too many days that they claim they are worst enemies. Every one I talk to says boys will be boys and as brothers they will come around when they are older. But they are missing out on some amazing tmes they could be sharing now and it saddens me. I stress because I want their relationship to be different and healthier. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated! I’m an avid reader and would love to win any of your books.
I have a almost 6 yr old and almost 3 yr old. I love my kids but often times find myself yelling when I have had to tell them something 3( or 4 or 5) times. Do you have any ideas on how to increse my patience? ( I think one of my problems is my daughter is Just like me!! LOL)
I would love to be entered in the drawing for either book.
I would love your books to give to daughter and daughter in law to help with the babbies and toddlers in our house. I am old school and can’t really advise them on this ‘day and age’ stuff their facing. It’s much harder than I remember.
Hi – I am a mom of a typical 8 yr old and a 5 1/2 year old with autism. My husband and I work a lot because we own our own business. Oh and my husband and daughter have ADHD – haha. There is a lot of chaos at home, my son with autism is very destructive and needs constant supervision – while my 8 yr old gets jealous of the attention he gets. We don’t medicate so we are trying to find solutions to help her manage her ADHD. And usually ony 1 parent is home to care for them. And since my husband has ADHD too I feel like the only parent sometimes. I often find myself so stressed that I don’t know where to begin.
So I guess my question is – what can I do to still feel relaxed and positive when things get so stressful and chaotic? I find it hard to keep my cool and end up being the yelling mom that I always said I would never be.
I would love a copy of Karen’s latest book, Hand Wash Cold – care instructions for an ordinary life. Thank you.
What do you suggest to get a 3 year old to stay in his own bed at night? He’s been a great sleeper all this time, now suddenly everything is spooky and scary – I can’t convince him otherwise in the dark. (Plus I’d love to be entered in the drawing for your book!)
I am a 42 y. old mom of two.
My daughter is 5 years, son is 3 1/2 years old.
Over a year ago, my husband ambushed the children and I with an unexpected (on our parts) divorce.
We are currently under the enforcement of “shared custody” from a temporary order from a hearing delivered April 1, 2010.
We have not been able to mediate, or make any progress towards a settlement of the divorce due to the fact that my husband is uncooperative regarding handling this quickly, reasonably or amicably. I do have an amazingly helpful counselor for myself, but this situation is beyond outrageous.
The children and I are in purgatory. The children are bouncing back and forth between my home and the father’s home (where he lives with the nanny & her offspring and by the way, with whom he was having an affair- unbeknownst to me since before the separation/ divorce filing.).
These two children are emotionally traumatized, suffering unbelievably with attention and esteem issues, acting out, lacking attention from the father (who is a sociopath/ work a holic). Because it is so severe, I am overwhelmed and devastated by the behavior I see in them, I am working them into counseling next week, but it has been a long and painful road to getting them in: my attorney didn’t want me to take them yet; plus I needed a “sliding scale” counseling service due to financial constraints.
I am currently working on a book (13,000 words and many many chapters named, just waiting to get far enough along to see an ending plus deciding which direction to go with editing, publishing, etc) to let other women and men, who are unfamiliar with the unfair judicial system and how it can be devastatingly manipulated by an individual with sociopathic/ narcistic tendencies, know how life can spin on a dime right before your very eyes.
***My question is:
“How do I work with the aftermath and trauma these precious children are suffering when I lack most tools and resources to even process my own pain from this unbelievably insane situation?
*Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated more than you can imagine. My children are my world and my lifeline.
If available, I would love to recieve a signed copy of
“momma zen: walking the crooked path of motherhood”, If you feel this is the best choice for me.
thank you kindly,
Stephanie Miller
Adult survivor of childhood physical, emotional, and sexual abuse trying to raise a 10-yr-old boy in a society that glorifies violence, sex, and excess. I am indesperate need of some new perspectives. I would be eternally grateful for a copy of this book.
Thank you.
Lots of great questions! I would also like to know how to keep your cool when it comes to 4 year olds (twin boys for me). Also, any siggestions on overly sensitive children? Not that I mind my child being sensitive, it makes him a wonderful caring child, but he’s on the verge of being over sensitive (crying over wearing jeans to school).
Would love, love, LOVE Momma Zen – walking the crooked path of motherhood, so please include me in the drawing!
Hi,
I’m a Mom of a wonderful 8yr old girl and 5yr old boy and I struggle daily with ensuring that their daily needs, health needs – they have allergies to food and the environment and in (as I see it) buffering them from a Dad that isn’t involved in the way that “I would” like him to be.
I feel overwhelmed after working all day and having health issues of my own and then feeling that their Dad isn’t putting in enough support. The kids are fine, very loved, school work is done, meds are kept up and they’re clean but Dad can be like having a teenager in the house who does as little as possible.
So, outside of the marriage not being wonderful and my having expectation issues, I go through each day wondering how to better the situation. I know that ultimately I can only change me but ? I could use a lifeline/resource and would love to be entered into the drawing too, the Momma Zen sounds great =)
Thank you!
I could definitely use some help in the “zen” area of motherhood. I have a husband that works nights, I work days, and we trade off on the responsiblity of watching our two sons, 8 and 1. Not to mention, we will be adding another child to the mix come this April. I very often feel like I expect too much from my husband, and I very often feel like a failure or under achiever in household duties……I could use some outside information; so I would love to be entered in the drawing for the Momma Zen book! Thanks! (Laurie, I TOTALLY can relate!!!!!)
Motherhood is tough stuff. I am a 32 year old mother, wife and entrepreneur. We have two boys ages ages 4 and 7 and a 3 month baby girl. We have a very busy household, but I am blessed with healthy, beautiful, and (mostly) well behaved children (although 4 is a super tough age!). My question to Karen is in regards to the after school thru dinner making time of day…which typical involves my boys arguing over tiny things, a fussy baby, complaints over homework and me scrambling to think of and pull together a healthy meal (a consistent meal plan would surely help with that one). I would love your outlook on this commonly stressful time of day and how to make all of our attitudes towards it more Zen-like.
I would also love the opportunity to win a book.
I agree I am far from a perfect mom I’m 33 years old spearated with three kids ages 5,12, and 16. I would like to know how to start getting into the mentality of being Zen by losing expections when I feel I’m losing everything or have lost. We are all seeking therapy, seems overwhelming to enjoy the moment with all the things seem chaotic. I would love to laugh with all my kids and smile with them all at the same time and say for that moment it was peaceful and perfect.
I am also recently divorced with a six year old daughter who I love more than anything that exists, and there are times when she and I really struggle and I am terribly disappointed in my reactions. I would welcome any book into my life that would help guide me to a more peaceful path for us both. Please enter me.
Thank you
Put me in the drawing for your book! I need as much zen as I can get. Thanks so much for sharing your life story and helping others.
I’m so happy I am part of fans of being a mom otherwise I might never have heard of you and your work Karen. I have an amazing 3 year old daughter and a handful of a husband is how I’ll put it. I am a stay at home mother and love being one, although some days are better than others it’s a dream job. Next year I will be sending off my duaghter into the world of preschool and “strangers” taking care and guiding my daughter. I am TERRIFIED. I can’t imagine how I am going to be able to let go and not be a part of every decision that involves my daughter as I have been for 3+ years! I KNOW that she can’t stay my little girl forever and that she WILL grow up and join the world and I will always and forever be her mother offering my guidance. I just know this will be one of the hardest things I will ever do, I’m crying just thinking about it. How can I shift my perspective on this and be “zen” about letting her go without my heart shattering into pieces??? I would love to be part of the random drawing preferrably for the parenting book, and if by chance I don’t win I will definitely be getting both books.
Katrina
Hi Karen-
I have an exceptionally generous, loving and tender 19 month old girl who has had several unfortunate incidents with mean girls in the last two weeks. She has started to imitate the things they did to her (snatching toys, pushing kids down, screaming NO at them when they follow her up the stairs on the playground, etc). We had never seen her do anything like that until it was done to her, in fact she has always been the kind of kid who hugs and kisses all her friends and gets distressed when she sees other kids cry. I’m very sad for her- I feel her sweetness was beat out of her and I don’t think she understands that it hurt her feelings so it would hurt other kids’ feelings. I don’t want to keep telling her no all the time, but I’m afraid to take her out with other kids right now. Any words of wisdom?
Also, I’d love to win either book, but my first choice is Momma Zen (a friend lent it to me and I was reluctant to return it
)
Thank you!
I’m a mom of two-a 2 yr. old & a newborn. I’d love to have your Momma Zen book. I’m currently struggling with spending time with my 2 yr. old while attending to my newborn. I feel like I’m not giving either the attention they deserve. At the same time I get frustrated because I’m trying to discipline my two year old, which was going smoother until the new baby-her behavior has gotten worse since the new baby. Mine has too-I’m prone to yelling, which I was always against prior to baby #2. Will this subside? All this and I’m trying to get in house chores, a meal for myself (before 1:30 pm), and imagine this…a shower! Just reading this blog is encouragement, as it let’s us know that we are NOT alone. Thanks Karen.
Oh which question out of all of them do I ask? Well here’s the one I choose. How do you stop feeling like you have to be make sure all your decisions are the right ones? I mean we can all say to relax, that no one is perfect, etc. etc. Saying and doing are two totally different things. But the reality is the decisions we make for our kids can either turn out good or have dire consequences.
Hi,
I am a mother of 3 (13, 11 and 2) I am divorced and now engaged to be married again after some time. Alot has happened with our family, I divorced from the father of my 2 oldest and was a single working parent with sole custody with no support. Then I met my fiance and we had our youngest. Just before our youngest was born my mom who was my rock passed away from breast cancer. Now my son (11 year old) has been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and severe depression and has been having so many emotional and behavioral issues that it’s overwhelming. We have him in therapy and he is getting help but now I need help. How do I handle this without melting down? I have my 2 other children who get less attention because so much is put into helping our son and I have to work long hours as does my fiance to keep afloat. I really need some advice on how to keep from losing it and making my children and family happy and whole again. Any advice would be great. Thanks!
I try and have my children 13 and 7 prepared for school the night before clothes, books, etc..I wake early 2 hors before they do have my coffee and set up for the day.The problem is I still find myself rushing my kids out hrry , hurry go, go. Something isn’t where they put it a shoe or sock, a paper that has not been signed and on and on. I feel I am starting them off rushed and I know it sets my tone for the day and I certainly do not want them in that frame of mind. I do lead them in a prayer on the way to school no matter what happened before we get into the car to go to school . A prayer to keep us safe while we are apart and they each add their intentions for the day and others that may need a thought or prayer. I just wished I could find the answer or zen for setting the morning tone.
I wish to be included in the book contest…Momma Zen would be terrific
Thanks!!
Hi there,
I need to know how to balance my life. I see my boss more than my kid and I find myself getting “burned out” at work because i long to be able to pick my son up from school and I feel like I am missing out on everything. Every month is a struggle to pay the bills so quitting my job, unfortunately, is not an option (a girl can dream eh?) My son has a hard time focusing in school and I am not sure how to help him, as I am not there with him at school to re-direct. Please enter me in the contest for your book I would love to get advice on how to be a Zen Mamma!
I would lov either book!
HI!!! I’m a mother of a 10 and 7 year old girls both with ADHD. My oldes has inproved so much with therapy and counseling but my yungest is another story. I love them both dearly but sometimes I feel like I’m the worst mother in the world. I learn to keep my cool when things aren’t perfect; but how do I get teachers and family to feel the sameway? It’s so frustrating when you get a teachers note everyday complaining of your daughters behavior, a mean remark from your friend about your kids attitude or a comment from other kids how they hate your kids because they are bullies. Please enter me on the drawing for your momma zen book. Thank you
I have a daughter that is turning 13 on the 21st of November. I also have a son that will be 11 on the 30th of this month. They both live with thier dad and I have them every weekend and sometimes during the week. They have a great dad who has a fiance that does not talk to me due to her immatuarity. Me and thier dad agreed that our daughter can date when she is 16-18 but somehow she took it upon her self to have a boyfriend. Her dad thought it was funny at first and letting her have freedom and trusting her which is wonderful but then he just takes her freedom away for no reason and I dont want her to start going behind our back hiding stuff when we have a trusting open relationship I am not ok with her thinking she can have a boyfriend. We have had plenty of talks but I dont know how to relate to her when it comes to this situation. She is very stubburn and thinks she needs no advice. I had her when I was 17 and I dont want the same thing to happen to her even though she was God sent. Me and my mom did not have the same relationship that I have with my daughter an open one that is. So I believe I am making the right first step with trusting her and as long as she does not lie to us she can have a limited amount of freedom. My point is how do me and her dad stay on the same page with our kids when he changes his mind like the weather. Which is not fair to our daughter. And know if I let her hang out with her “boyfriend” supervised, I try to give her space…..her dad makes me the bad guy like I am the one who allowed this in the first place. I dont know what to do to make sure my daughter stays approparate for her age. I know I was unruley at her age but I also did not have a dad around and I know that makes a big difference. This is a hard age to stay close to your kids and I want to make sure they know I am here no matter what they do good or bad just be honest with me is my policy. I dont want to be that nosey over bearing parent. Any tips would be much appreciated.
I would also like to be in the contest for Momma Zen. Thank you Melissa Reidt.
I am a mom of 5. I have a 22 year old in the Navy, a 21 year old that lives at home as well as a 19 year old that lives here. They are all from my first marriage. I now have a 4 and 3 year old as well with my second husband. My question is how do I deal with the problems between my two older kids living with us and my husband. He gets so angry about them not helping and doing things “his” way and I want to protect them because things have been hard sine the divorce, their dad sort of has abandoned them and I don’t want to do the same. This causes untold fights between my husband and I as he feels I’m not on his side. My kids both work, my daughter 2 jobs and she’s saving for school. They play and babysit their younger sisters. On the other hand they don’t do a lot around the house but I’m a stay at home so I feel like I can do it. HELP!!
I remember lying on the couch with my newborn, breastfeeding, happy and yet unable to relax. My pre-mom self just couldn’t sit still. I was anxious to check my email, have a shower, make some phone calls, some food, anything but be where I was. Then, I realized I was exactly where I wanted to be. Quiet and alone with my beautiful baby. That was 9 years ago and now I have two children and each day, despite the chaos and the challenges and my imperfections, I try to remember that morning on the couch, to be still, to be there, really there with my children…while they still want me.
Writing helps. Teaching other moms to write helps. Love your books!
Cori @themomoirproject.com
in the moments of ‘crisis’, when you have lost your motherlovin’ mind… how do you find the space to stop ?
I am divorced mother of 2. one biological one not. they both live with me and are 6 years apart… my daughter is 12 and son is 6… how do i keep life calm when all they see is chaos around them?????? the explosions that come from pent up feelings are horrible. they usually come after a visit. i want them to grow up and see that life can be relaxed and not so stressful all the time….
would love to be entered in either book drawing
I would love to win the Mommy Zen book! I get frustrated when my 7 yr old will not look at me when I am trying to explain something important to him. I do not feel like I can keep my message short and sweet so he can understand what I am trying to get across – then I get frustrated and mad at him when he no longer listens…
Thanks for posting about this author. I am a mother of two, a 4 yr-old and a 2 and a half yr-old. I simply need to know how to gain control without losing control when the need arises. I am tired of yelling matches between myself and the kids. They yell at each other when they get upset and I know they are learning it from me. I don’t want to raise my voice for every little thing and more and more, it seems I resort the that tactic. Would love for my children to get some Zen in their lives! Momma Zen would be my choice.
Thank you
I’m a stay-at-home mom with a 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son. I’ve found that staying home is a lot harder than I ever expected it would be. I sometimes envy my husband because when he comes home from work, he is “off”, when my job never really ends. This is what I have always wanted to do, but I have a hard time finding the silver lining sometimes. I also lose my temper a lot more than I would like and end up yelling, which I don’t want to do. I want my kids to think of me as a calm, loving mom – not one who yells all the time. How do I stay relaxed amidst the chaos of a family of four? I would definitely benefit from the Momma Zen book – please enter me in the contest!!
I would love to be entered into the draw!
My question: What are some ideas to help me get energized throughout the day? I feel like all my energy is being drained by attending to everyone’s needs.
I am a mom of a almost 2 year old boy. I have 3 step daughters one of which has been living with us since Christmas Day 2009. She is very defient with me. I lose my patience with her on a daily basis and shes only 9!! How can I keep my cool? I dont like my son to see me that way because he is the happiest, go-lucky kid. We have a very postive home life but my days are tested with her. I love her. I knew one day we would have her. But my question is how to keep the balance in mine and hers relationship and it not affect mine and my sons?
Please enter me into your drawing! Thanks and have a great day!!
Although I am not happy that others are having dificulties managing motherhood and I’wish no-one lost their temper or raised their voice, it’s nice to know it’s not just me. As a mom to 5 I have it all, teens, tweens and preschoolers. I’ve got teenage angst, homework hastles, sibling rivalry etc. How do you hit the reset button and make a fresh start? What kind of changes will be more than superficial. I want to move towards a more harmonious home life. I am not expecting perfection, I just want tiny improvements. Momma Zen sounds like a book I’d enjoy.
Why is balance so evasive? The benefits of service are obvious. As parents, my husband & I sacrifice daily (and usually very gladly) for our children.
My heart says to breathe, savor the moments homeschooling with them, & don’t worry about the material/financial aspects that try to hook us with their sexy spin. Most times, we let the head (and ego) bow to the heart. We try to listen to our collective family priorities & let the rest work itself out…sometimes even mindfully & with a sense of humor. (Sometimes not…that’s why it is called practice, yes?)
Is this Pollyanna/foolish/naive in the current economy? So many seem to live to work vs work to live. Our emphasis is on a joyful, playful, dream-like life with many, many precious moments during the short time our children will stay with us. And, this comes at a deep financial cost. Our lifestyle isn’t mainstream. But, it’s worth it to us. How do we explain this to friends & family who are puzzled by our non-material life decisions…decisions that are not based on the almighty dollar but on almighty love & connectedness?
I have & love “Momma Zen”. I’d be honored to add “Hand Wash Cold” to our library.
I would love a copy of Hand Wash cold. I have a 4 1/2 year old. Today I took him trick or treating at a near by mall, and then to a local library for pumpkin decorating. We had a great time. He listened to me, was in a good mood, no problems. Then we get home, and Auntie is there, and Papa also. All heck breaks loose, and mom is the bad guy, once again. One on one we usually do fine, sometimes we have melt downs, but when we are home with Auntie and Papa, mom can do no right, and everyone blames mom for every thing. 4 1/2 year old acts like mom’s words don’t mean anything. And it is really getting to me. Any advise would really be helpful. Thank you so much.
Where to start so many questions. Before giving birth I wanted to be the skilled mother of 2-3–cool, calm, collective, energetic, tophie mom and wife. But lifes curves has me as a divorced parent to 1, who is stressed and feels so far from cool, calm, and collective that even that thought doubles the anxiety. Add nearly 40 to the top.
Enter me in the Zen Mom book give away ASAP
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Thank You!
I am a mom of a 9 year old boy who is almost 10, and a 6 year old boy. My 9 year old can be very emotional: angry, whiney, loving….all in the matter of minutes. I know he is starting a puberty phase and his hormones are going nuts, but I thought we were done with the clingy stage. Now we have clingy and everything else. He also just finished football, hated it and is very down on himself about it right now. He can be very intense with his emotions. And his father and he are butting heads like crazy. I want to be supportive of him, and counter balance the stress between he and his dad, but I too struggle with him. How do I support his needs while helping him to grow to be a good man, and not allow the disrepect that seems to be sufacing? Thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond.
I’m the mom of a 5 year old and a 9 month old. I work fulltime and bring a ton of work home every night. When I come home I know we should sit down and do homework and talk about our day and go for a walk and play together and cook a healthy meal and get ready for tomorrow. And every day, that’s my intention. But as soon as we walk through the door of the house, I’m overwhelmed with exhaustion and it’s sandwiches and spongebob and a mad dash of baths, laundry and homework until bed time.
So, how do I stop feeling guilty when what I know I should do for my kids and what I actually end up doing for my kids aren’t even close to the same? Or how do I become the mom I want to be? What has to give first?
I’d love Momma Zen! Thanks!
I have a daughter who is 5 going on 15. I’m to blame for a lot of this. I teach high school and, therefore, she’s around my students and cheerleading squad a lot. She really thinks she’s one of them. And they adore her. However, when my precious baby gives me the attitude of a 15 year old girl, I want to drop kick her to the next town.
How do I get my sweet cuddly girl back without destroying her growing sense of independence?
Thank you, Karen. Lately my 4-yr old daughter snaps and even scolds at me, stopping what she’s doing and refusing to continue, when I make the wrong move of any magnitude. Often as simple as singing along with her in song, or answering a question she asked, when only after the fact I learn that was NOT what she wanted Mama to do! Where’s the balance between nurturing her wants and expression when she’s frustrated or thwarted, and teaching her that scolding and shutting down is not only kind but not as effective as communicating what she wanted? I chuckle writing this, lots of grown-ups don’t know how to do this and I know she’s only 4. I’m just not trusting myself in how I’m handling it and would love your advice.
My dear friend is a mom to a 5 yr old and a 6 yr old and she is newlydiagnosed w/ advanced breat cancer and has yet to completely inform the kids. her prognosis is unfavorable and she wants just 5 more yrs. It brings us to my greatest fear of leaving a child without a mother. How can one help and feel that this is all a part of life, a bigger plan and that its not just a cruel and unfair world that is breding anger in me. I need some words of wisdom or more so comfort. I am just searching for something to touch my heart again.