Motherhood – not always butterflies and rainbows
Posted on October 5, 2010 by FoBaM-Jamie
A few weeks ago, someone posted a comment on the Facebook page asking if she was the only one who felt like motherhood wasn’t always butterflies and rainbows. The comments that flew back and forth after that Pandora’s Box was opened were both funny and poignant. Moms (including yours truly) were quick to point out that – heck, no! – motherhood is definitely not all rainbows and butterflies. There are plenty of days when it’s all spilt milk and temper tantrums. (And, the temper tantrums aren’t always from the kids.)
We are generally pretty upbeat around here. After all, we are fans of being a mom. However, we don’t want to sugarcoat things. Believe me, we can totally relate to those days when you wonder what on earth you were thinking when you signed up for this gig. Unfortunately (or, fortunately) there’s no rewind button on the decision to become a mom; so you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to doing the best job you can.
Sometimes, while you’re in the process of scraping your last bit of dignity and self-confidence off the kitchen floor, the last thing you want to hear is a pep talk. Sometimes, you just want to wallow in your misery because no one has it as bad as you. The whole universe is against you and your kids hate you and you have no idea what you’re doing and if one more person tells you that “tomorrow is another day” or reminds you to “treasure these moments” there’s a very strong possibility that they will be punched in the nose … very hard.
And that’s ok.
We shouldn’t have to feel like we have to be June Cleaver or Carol Brady. (Though did you see Florence Henderson give the finger during rehearsal on Dancing with the Stars? That woman’s got spunk!) We shouldn’t feel obligated to bottle up our feelings of disappointment, fear, worry, or frustration. Sometimes the best thing one mom can do for another is let her vent about how hard it is without offering any advice on how to make it better. Leave all that silver lining stuff on the curb and just let her get down with her miserable self. It feels good. It’s perfectly normal. And – 9 times out of 10 – she’ll come out on the other side feeling better.
When was the last time you were in the Valley of Mommy Despair? Were you lucky enough to have a friend who just let you rant and rave until you felt better?
Image Credit: Tom Conger
All moms have bad days. That’s life
I had one of those days on Sunday evening, walked out of the room after my two girls just walked over the line. The youngest was dumb enough to come to my room and ask to come in and I let her have it. Told her how I felt, told her how sick her sister was and that I could not fix it, but we all needed to rally around her and help her, how I felt horrible with the way the two of them treat me at times, then told her to go in her room. At 47 I went to my mom’s room knocked on her door and appologized for screaming at the kids loud enough for her to hear, she told me no apology necessary. Then I burst out into tears, it felt good to vent, to tell her my 18 year old could die if she did not change what she was doing, the doctor even told her, that this was out of my control and I could not fix it and that I felt like a horrible mom, it made me feel like the worlds worst mom. She said it was ok, get it out, then told me she knew how I felt, that I was a very good mom, and that she loved me..yeah it did feel good!!
Mothers do have bad days. We have days where we don’t want to do anything. We have days when we feel like giving up because no matter how many times you have told the family to clean up after themselves and the continue to take the few hours they are home to go through the house like a whirl wind in a few seconds after you have worked hours on end just to make the house look and smell clean. And then even if you have enlisted helpers. You always have someone who is going to rebel and run to her room and lock it and pretend she is doing her school work while others who got done with their homework are doing their chores. But the only person who I can go to that will do anything about it and help me get through each day is not my good friends out there. It is someone who is unseen and He loves me. I am talking about my Lord Jesus. That is my story.
Thanks so much for this site! I feel so alone most days. I am raising 3 kids alone and am home all the time (no full time work and work from home) with the youngest two who are 5 months and 2 yrs old. So yes I battle with my sanity too. As a Christian, I have the Lord to talk to. But I still need physical people around me. When I’m down it’s the hardest thing to reach out and ask for help but I know it’s what I need. So it’s good to know that I am perfectly normal in it all. The house being messy all day every day drives me crazy. I can clean up but 10 minutes later it’s the same so what’s the point in doing it when they’re awake?! So thanks to all who have replied here, I feel a little more normal now.
Wow, it was nice to see this on FB today…. Being a mom is hard work! I wish I could keep my calm all the time, I am embarrassed that I lost it on my boys this morning! Screamed at them to just SHUTUP, the bickering the negative comments, I thought I was going to explode, my mouth exploded instead….. quite honestly I threw a temper tantrum in the car…. I pulled over on the side of the road and let them just have it to the point of me and them in tears…… I got out of the car and said a prayer, there was a church across the street. I got back in the truck and drove to the church parking lot, my kids asked why we were going here instead of school…. I told them we needed to park on holy ground and say a prayer…. Whew, I apologized to them for losing my mind temporarily and asked them to forgive me, said I am owning my part and they need to own theirs, NO MORE NEGATIVITY! From now on, every negative, rude, mean comment will be backed up with something positive. We got to school…. late ….. and we all survived. The guilt I give my self over not keeping my cool is the worst part. That and my oldest son, he is 8 years old, just changed from being negative about me and his brother to now himself…. so we spoke positive and we give the rest to God. Lord help us mothers each and everyday as we try to do our best and sometimes we still feel like we are failing! Help us to forgive ourselves and change our attitudes as well! Amen! God Bless!
Sometimes its hornets and lightning
Sometimes you sail pretty much through the first 20 yrs thinking you did a pretty good job only to be slapped in the face when they get into thier 20s….So if you havent had any bad times the first half there are bound to be hard times at some point.. That is when it has become hard for me.. I dedicated everything and gave up everything and one of my kids is not at all greatful or kind at the moment.. hoping this too will pass….
Our kids are people just like you ,them and me. They get to the age where they just know better then you or me. Like We are new at this or something. But we to have crossed another bridge in our lives. My sister said something once to me, she said it seems like every 10 years of ones life you change on how you look at things. I am not sure its every 10 years , but it’s true. And some day our children will look back and understand, at least have different thoughts about it.
I had a terrible weekend and felt like I could not take it another second! Between my 4 year old being very naughty in public (twice in one day!) and my 5 month old not sleeping day or night, I thought I was going to lose my mind. It’s nice to know that other people feel like that at times and it’s pretty normal. I don’t have any friends, other than my sister, so I don’t have a lot of support. But it’s good to know that others out there feel the same way at times.
Teenagers….how I don’t have gray hair I am not sure. I thought my husband and I had raised a wonderfully funny, beautiful, well-rounded daughter. Then she turned 16 and all of a sudden my house has been held hostage. The daughter I thought I was going to miss dearly when she went to college, can’t leave my house quick enough….I feel sad for thinking this way. Everyone tells me this is Gods way of breaking the ties. But seriously, does she have to be so rude, ungrateful and just down right nasty about everything. I am so tired of the negativity. When will this be over?
The moments of bad behaviour, screaming, arguing, back-talking are forgotten when obediant, loving, sweet and funny behaviour show their faces once in a while! And we all know this to be a load of bs! But we wouldn’t be without the little imps even if it means losing your sanity (mine has been long gone!) for the rest of your life! Nice to read that other Mums are going through the exact experiences that is my life. I truly have felt that I am the only Mum in the world going through what I do with 3 boys (12, 6 and 10 months). Knowing that my life is normal as opposed to ‘ i must be doing everything wrong as a mother, its my fault, no-one elses children act this way’ has been an immediate tonic to my whole being and something has lifted from me (or is my prozac kicking in! LOL!).
I have those days and my kids call me “Aut Lorrie” because I become this other person.I feel like I’m a bad mom at those times, but I do feel better and the children seem to remember what I said. Amazing.