The Last Firsts
Posted on August 31, 2010 by FoBaM-Jamie
Today’s guest post comes from our friend Darcy who shares her thoughts about suddenly realizing that her youngest little man would soon be a grown-up man. We all know how fast time flies when you’re raising kids, but we love the way Darcy reminds us that there’s always something more to look forward to.
Today my youngest child made me an official “older mom.” We were out on the boat, and he lost his first tooth.
Blood spilt all over the fiberglass. . He held the tooth up triumphantly and grinned a new smile through the gap it left. A grown up boy is emerging, poking through the funny words he still uses, his love of sippy cups, his devotion to his blankie and the kisses all the time he still allows me. There’s no stopping it. The tooth, like everything with kids, forces its way up and is gone. My grasp on his littleness, always flimsy at best, loosens a bit more.
Last night, I stayed up with my nephews. They are 17 and 15 and talk and look like men. They are smart and funny and sweet and polite. I changed their diapers and kissed their booboos long before I was a mother myself. They don’t remember me snuggling them or tucking them in or lifting them from sweaty sleep, but I do. Last night, I played them my music and they played me theirs and we both took notes to remind us what we liked. We ate warmed-up enchiladas off of one plate with three forks, like pals. I told them to go to bed at last, and, unlike my own, they listened.
My five year-old son stands in my nephews’ shadows, awed and desperate for their approval. He farts on them for fun, and – like troopers and dudes – my nephews high five his every bit of growing boy-ness. I think they see themselves in him sometimes, just as I do. Little tiny boys become these big men, these big, nearly grown men I love but cannot cuddle, adore but cannot pinch, wish to hold and keep and cradle forever but who now stand so many inches above me. How did we get here so fast?
My baby lost his first tooth, and it’s the last time this first will happen for me. As my friend Kim said, this is last of so many other firsts: first day of school, first stitches, first girlfriend. These firsts end with him.
Soon enough, he too will tower over me. Soon enough, if I’m lucky, he will share one plate with me, late at night, telling secrets.
Soon enough, he will be not be my toothless boy.
When not doing laundry or driving to soccer practice, Darcy Mayers writes the blog Post Picket Fence, tells stories at the team-published Polite Fictions, and co-authored the book, TO: A True Story in Letters, a very real portrait of modern motherhood, womanhood and friendship.
Image Credit: Sebastian Wendowski
Over the last year I’ve experienced many last firsts as well, the biggest of which was my first born son’s last first day of school. As I left him at his dorm a few weeks ago I realized we are beginning a new series of Firsts. The first time he’s living on his own, the first time he’s called on his own to tell me about his day, the first time he’s had to rely on himself to be safe, fed, healthy and clothed. This beginning of new Firsts gives me sooo much to look forward to that the memories of those last firsts is fading. This is when I get to see if those late night talks and secret sharing, and the life lessons I’ve tried to instill have made a mark on his soul to make him my first successful contribution to the world. If it works, watch out world because I have a girl coming next.
@Marina – Thanks for your lovely comment. I suppose that waiting anxiously to see if we’ve done a good job parenting our little ones to independence is a big part of the angst we feel as these changes weave in and out of our lives. Sounds like you have a great outlook & I’m betting your children will be happy in their lives.
it’s the simplest things I remember about my three children….especially my “angel” heather…. her telling me she loved me, hugging me tight, her soft cheeks as they brushed up against mine as i kissed her good night. her smile, probably the most i miss… it literally made my darkest days bright. cherish every moment God gives you with your child…. 19 years was not nearly enough with my heather. I love u sweetheart!!! mommy misses you so…
My comments are short and sweet. I, too, have boys and I could not have expressed these exact emotions as you have done. I cried as I read your post because these are the things I think about daily. Thanks so much for sharing.
very beautiful. my little guy is 5 and is going in to kindergarten. When I look at the envelope from the elemantary school I can’t help but cry. He is growing up so fast
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Life with children is not only about first-but “last” firsts. Last Sunday, as I readied the children for the first day of school, I realized it was my son’s last-first day of school. And not only will he be a senior this year, but in less than 10 months will leave on his journey to becoming a US Marine. I could, at that moment, so very plainly see him in my mind on that first day of school, waiting for the bus with his oh-so-big backpack, and wide toothless grin. He has grown into a handsome, mature, young man with his heart and thoughts in the right place -most of the time anyway! And although I too, miss the days of snuggling, I am proud of what he has become, and what I feel sure will be a bright and promising future for him.
From the day we brought you into our home Milly was the light of our life, now she has passed on way to soon. We will miss you always and forever.
You summed up how we all feel when the baby goes off to Kindergarten (then Middle School, then High School). They will always be our babies our last firsts and it’s like a door closes with each new 1st. My almost 7 year old baby has been hugging me like there is no tomorrow this week and I am drinking it all trying to sear this memory into my brain because soon he won’t let me near him. Great post Darcy..now I need to go find my baby and get a snuggle while I can!
For all of you mom’s watching that toothless boy walk away as a man — especially you Paula — here’s to hoping they ALL come home soon and often.
XOXO to all
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