I’ll tell you when you’re older …
Posted on November 5, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie
You know about your internal censor, right? It’s that little voice that whispers in your ear when you have the impulse to say something completely inappropriate. It sanitizes the words that leave your lips, stopping you from putting your foot in your mouth at every turn.
Unfortunately, the internal censor doesn’t fully developed until well after we’ve mastered the art of speaking. This lapse in Mother Nature’s judgment has set many mothers up for excruciatingly awkward moments as kids give voice to their natural curiosity, loudly, in very public places like the checkout line at the market. (I’ve heard tell of some moms who’ve had to change supermarkets because of specific incidents where junior posed especially face-reddening questions.)
Even when our little darlings pose their questions in private, the moment can still make a mom squirm uncomfortably. I know there are books out there on the topic of how to honestly and gracefully address even the most pointed of inquiries, but I haven’t had time to read them; so I’m just winging it. You can imagine then, the moment of perplexed silence that fell when my daughter turned to me at the end of Disney’s Hocus Pocus and asked, “Mommy, what’s a virgin?”
Um … yeah.
I’m not a prude, but I was stumped by this one. Who knew that an innocent Halloween movie could result in such a delicate question? (It’s a long story that involves 300 year-old witches – played – by Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker – being brought back from the dead when a virgin lights a black flame candle on Halloween night.)
I’ll admit that I wimped out and didn’t offer an answer. I hemmed and hawed for a few minutes, trying to formulate an appropriate answer for an almost six year-old; but I came up empty. Instead, I resorted to the old mommy tactic of distraction and asked her if she wanted a cookie.
Questions about sex aren’t the only sticky conversation starters that our young ones have up their sleeves. Topics of all kinds have the potential to confound and embarrass even the most confident and savvy parent. Remember, until that internal censor is fully functional, anything is fair game – religion, politics, sexual orientation, race … you name it, and they can bring it up.
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I’ve been caught with that one before. My daughter is older now, and through years of practice, I’ve gained a style of being direct, and to the point. I don’t elaborate anymore than is absolutely necessary. This Thanksgiving, (in Canada, Thanksgiving is in October!), my daughter asked me, “What’s a hooker?”. I quickly responded, “A woman who gets paid for sex”. Short and to the point. She was satisfied with that response, and didn’t ask anymore questions.
my daughter was about 3 when we were at the YMCA showering after swimming….loudly, she asks “Mommy, why is your potty area fuzzy and mine isn’t?” of couse you could hear the other mothers chuckling in the locker room.
of course, I have my fair share with a very curious 3 year old. I try to be honest with him, but he has been asking about death lately and that is a toughie! We assure him it will be a very long time before he gets old and ‘gets dead’ and I tried to put a positive spin on it by telling him that he will be with God when he dies. He immediately burst into tears and said he qould miss his mommy and daddy and papa and grammie, and he didt wat to go to heaven because he would miss his house!
I was at the hospital visiting my sister in law, Tammy, who had just had a baby. With me, were my young son, mother in law, and my hilarious sister in law, Debbie. While waiting to see the baby in the nursery, a handsome doctor walked by and Debbie said, “He can do a Pap Smear on me anytime” lol. My son looked at me and asked, “What’s a Pap Smear”? My answer to him was, “It’s a test that they do on women”. He said, “Oh okay”. End of conversation. My sister in law asked me, “Do you tell him everything?” I said, “If he asks me a question, I give him an answer” I didn’t go into the details of a Pap, the answer that I gave was enough. He is 25 yrs. old now, and he and I have a very close and open relationship. He knows that if he needs to talk about something, he can come to me, I will listen, and then give my opinion. He may not do what I suggest, but he knows that I listened to him.
My 25 year old was 5 at the time. Sitting in the grocery store cart he began bawling like crazy. I did my best to console him. Baby what’s wrong? I kept asking. Finally he pointed to the other woman in the aisle and said really loudly, She is ugly.
Okay mine was funny. Hope I made you smile.
My little one once asked me.., ” Can I please have a cup of coffee? I need energy for school today.” She is 5.
Kids say the darnest things! Nothing to get embarrassed about…