A mother’s promise
Posted on November 9, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
Though I wasn’t a die-hard fan of the show Friends, one line from the show has remained with me for years. The details aren’t important, but someone had just given birth and the whole cast is in the recovery room with the mom and her new baby. Monica leans down and coos to the newborn, “Hi, Ben. Hi. I’m your Auntie Monica, yes I am. I’m your Auntie Monica. I … I will always have gum.”
I wasn’t a mom when I saw that show for the first time, but even then the moment felt so tender and real. It made me wonder – what do you promise a baby? Now that I’m someone’s mom, the question carries much greater weight. I would love to promise my daughter the world, but I know I can’t deliver. Promises made to a child are not to be taken lightly. There is an element of solemnity in such an oath. This is a promise you must keep, no matter what.
Life is so full of uncertainty. Apart from unconditional and eternal love, what promise can a mother make to her child? We cannot promise health, wealth, or happiness. We cannot promise that we will always be able to provide the best of anything. We cannot even promise that we’ll always be here. Anything can change in an instant. Anything.
When I think of promises I want to make to my seven year-old daughter, my heart tightens a little bit. Like any mother, I want to promise her things I cannot guarantee. I feel an almost unbearable yearning for the power to smooth the road that lies before her, to save her from the hurt and pain that most certainly lies in wait. But, I know that even if I had that power, it would be wrong to use it. Hardship is what tempers the steel of our character. It is what shapes us into who we are. If a child is not challenged along the way, she will not have the chance to become the best person she can be. In the end, I’m grateful I don’t have the power to resolve all her conflicts and erase all her pain. It would be far too great a temptation.
After following my mind and heart in circles, searching for a promise I can keep, I realize that all I can do is give my daughter the means to make her own promises. So, my darling girl, I promise that as long as you stay true to your heart, you will always find your way home. I promise that if you are a friend to yourself, you will never be alone. I promise that if you learn to see life’s silver linings, you will discover paths that others cannot see. I promise that if you stay connected to the natural world, it will ground you and teach you patience and wisdom. I promise that the universe may not always answer your prayers the way you predict, so be open to unexpected messages and gifts. I promise that if you practice gratitude, your life will always be rich.
These are promises that can be kept. These are promises I can make from my heart with a clear conscience. They will withstand the tests of time and adversity, just like my love.
I promised my children when they were born, I would always love them, may not like what they do, or the way they choose to do things, but I would always love them and be there for them as they need me. (Example if we have a big blow up and they called and needed help, I would be there.)
I promised my children that I would love and care for them with kindness no matter what they did. I’ve tried to always carry through with this even during the hardest times of all of our lives.
I didn’t so much promise him things. I tell him even, though he’s only 2, to be a leader not a follower & to believe in himself & never doubt that he’s a good person & not to let anyone tell him different. Along with I’ll love him no matter what & to love & respect his parents along with his family. Also family is the most important because they are always there for you. Of course, I do not tell him this all at once, I say it here and there.
Now when he’s a teenager I’ll have to remind myself of this. Lol
I agree Ter, with a teenager it is very hard. But you have to keep reminding them they can do anything if they set their mind to it. My grandfather was in the fire dept almost 40 years when he passed away 5 years. My son already has it he wants to graduate next december, go to college for a firefighter them EMT, then a paramedic. I have 3 other children that are awesome in their own specific ways. When they are born, you always to live them unconditionally, take care of them , be there when they need you, support and encourage everything they do. Its not what you but them that counts the most its how you take care of them and that your there for them.
when my son was 3 he told me he wanted a 65 Mustang… I honestly didnt realize how much he wanted one until he started talking about the engine and putting Edelbrach headers on it to make it run better and faster…needless to say, i pulled over on the nearest exit (we were driving to his grandparents house) to listen to everything he wanted to do to his Mustang, and I absorbed everything he told me…my son is 8 now, and for 5 years I’d been looking for his car since I promised him that I would find one, and he’d help me do all the work to it and he’d be able to own it when he was old enough…I finally found his car during my latest trip out of town to work…it’s going to be his early Christmas present this year, and he doesn’t know I’ve gotten it yet…one of the most important things in my life is my son and to teach him how to respect everyone and everything around him…that’s why it was so important to me to keep this 5 year promise to him, and so that we can build great memories together as we make his dream, and my promise to him, come true.
Wow – what a lovely post. I agree promises are not to be taken lightly especially when made to children. I’m like most commenters, I promised to be the best mom I could be & to love them always. I may not like them sometimes or the things they do, but I will always love them.
I like the promises you have made. I may have to make some of them myself.
Thank you for this post.
Beautifully said, and something I really needed to hear. I want so desperately to solve everything for my daughter, and I know I can’t. So I sent her across the country to force me to let her grow up. Thanks for a beautiful post.
This made me cry as I promised to give my kids the best things and the things I haven’t experienced growing up but I am failing them. They are 5 and 8 years old. The best I can do right now is to love them unconditionally no matter what. I fully know that love is the greatest thing I can give (than material things) but I am still working on it as once in a while they would ask, “mommy can I have….” and I would say maybe next time. It breaks my heart when they say ” you said that before.”
This is a promise you must keep, no matter what.
Beause it from your heart and God heart and your only child ?
you already destroy the life of is Dad
save your child
like so much.
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