Motherhood-Induced ADD
Posted on October 12, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
This guest post is from Sarah Daily. We’re so pleased to have her with us today and hope you enjoy this post on a topic every mom can relate to – that particular brand of crazy that accompanies motherhood and our attempts to be everything to everyone all the time.
I have a vision of my mother when I was a little girl. No matter her location or the time of day, she had a cup of black coffee close at-hand. I always thought she was a complete caffeine addict and drank cup after cup all day long. All of my friends assumed the same. She was a NICU nurse by night and mom by day, so the image made sense.
Thing was, she never actually got to drink that coffee except for a sip or two. My mom’s method of operation included moving from task to task with us kids, the house, patient files, and all that comes in between. Every once in a while she’d remember that she never had a chance to finish her coffee. She’d throw it in the microwave for a quick reheat, anticipating a quiet moment of rejuvenation.
However, before 60 seconds had passed, she would inevitably be called to another emergency task like picking me up after a roller-skating crash (a near daily affair) and the mug would be abandoned once again.
As I contemplate my own unfinished cups of coffee, half-eaten bowls of granola, sheets that made it to the laundry room but not the washer, bills that simply need a stamp and walk to the mailbox, and ceaselessly buzzing and blinking smart phone … oh, how the list goes on. I’m beginning to think that what my mother and now I suffer from, is Motherhood-Induced Attention Deficit Disorder.
No matter how hard I try to carve out dedicated chunks of time to devote to a certain task, even breakfast, I’m interrupted by something that needs attention NOW. One quick shift, and my focus is gone.
It’s a typical scenario: “I’m really going to sit down and focus on putting away the summer clothes until it’s D-O-N-E!” And then my cell rings and it’s the doctor with a last-minute opening for my 4 year-old who needs an immunization update by tomorrow before being thrown out of preschool. Of course I drop what I’m doing, grab her (and a few treats to con her into the car) and race out the door.
Although I try to tell myself that this is all part of the “gift of motherhood,” and that the ability to multitask that comes along with said occupation will eventually become an asset, I’m over it. I want my focus back. I want to savor and finish my cup of coffee, no matter the chaos that might ensue around me. I want to work on something with dedicated, uninterrupted intention. I want to live by the words of my daughter’s Montessori teacher, “Do one thing at a time and do it well,” (Note to self: Cancel therapy sessions and talk to preschool teacher more often!)
I must learn that it’s okay to set priorities and let the rest go. Let a call go to voicemail. Learn to say NO. Be a few minutes late for preschool pick-up. Lock my office door when my daughter is in the care of her father or our sitter. Throw away the laundry list of to-dos and start the day with a few focused goals. Expect less of myself. It’s okay.
It will be a struggle. Things will inevitably pop up and wreak havoc with even my most modest plans. But if I start out expecting just a bit less of myself, maybe I’ll be able to make time to nourish myself, my skills, my goals. Maybe I’ll come out at the end of the day a more intentional and loving woman and mother who has, at the very least, made time to enjoy her cup of fresh, steaming coffee – without a microwave reheat. And, hopefully, my daughter will learn to do the same.
Have you experienced Motherhood-Induced Attention Deficit Disorder? What helps you focus and find a real sense of accomplishment at the end of the day?
Sarah Daily is a writer, marketing professional, and owner of a hyper-local social network for mothers in Bend, Oregon. She believes strongly that when mothers get together behind matters of good for the world and their children, amazing things can happen. She is the mother of one almost 5 year-old girl who has the innate ability to sense the moment she tiptoes out of the room to catch a phone call, but also blesses her with laughter and joy making most of the interruptions a welcome blessing.
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Image Credit: Daniel Go
I love being a mom but my daughter is so stubborn and a hard headed how do I deal wit that she is 2yrs old and im workin on pottie training her but its gard can u help me
She’s just not ready yet. It will happen. Diapers these days really do there job in keeping babies dry. she needs to see & feel that she’s emptying her bladder. Try to let her wear those thick training pants during the day after she has had a bowel movement. Use diapers during nap and bedtime. Once she see’s what her body is doing she can learn to go like you do. hang in there !
Sarah, thank you!!! This is so how I feel, motherhood ADD! I needed this. What to do?? Run around doing as much as I can when the younger ones nap and enlist the older ones help as much as I can. I have good kids, happy helpers and pray it stays that way.
Lucky you, Christina! Sounds like you have a lot of support in your life. Here’s hoping it follows you for years and years!
I have found that that there is a small period of time when the ADD can go away, pretty much late elementary school years. Then, middle school and high school take over, with band, and cheerleading, and sports, and while the kids are more able to “help”, let’s face it, those preschool treats don’t cut it for the 15 year olds! Mom’s taxi service works over time, and I relish those days when they are in school, and I’m home alone – The laundry gets done, the dishes get washed in water that stays hot, I may even get to drink that cup of coffee. I sometimes miss the days when the only things that “had” to be done was to play with my babies, make sure they ate, and put them to bed. I have learned to embrace the chaos, and I remember the words of a long ago therapist: When all the chores are “done”, your life is over! Good luck with the coffee
This is really interesting, Christina G. I watch some of my friends with older kids, and it seems like it only gets busier (in different ways). I’ll look forward to that small respite during elementary school, and then figure out how to hang on for the rest of the ride. I’ll also remember this great quote–love it! Thank you!
Christina G you made me cry a little. Here I am wishing that all the chores were done and then your quote hit home. When the chores are “done”, your life is over. I need to just sit back and enjoy my children as chidren before they turn into teenager. And I think I will embrace the chaos, play with the kids and relax. But first I need to go change the shirt the baby just spit up on and get the toddler a treat.
Well stated Christina Gross!!! My 12 and 15 year-olds don’t fall for bribery unless money or clothes are involved – when there is a last minute barber shop opening, flu shot appt. or tutoring session before the upcoming exam! Kids at all ages are not to be rushed.. My coffee rule is, once in the microwave, then down the sink. Otherwise I’ll keep reheating the same stuff all morning long. Most importantly, my Mom says that if my house was clean, and all of my phone calls and emails were caught up, then I would have neglected priceless time with my kids. (it’s true… ever put your foot down, then go to bed “on time,” then wake up to find out a test or term paper is due and had you known you would have helped the night before?) yep…
I am busier now, helping them become beautiful young adults, than I was during their younger years. Naps these day are guilty, because somebody always needs a ride, intervention from something or direct exposure to keep them away from something else.
I completely understand Kimberly. But maybe she’s not ready. I tried with my son at 2yrs. old and it didn’t work out at all. I decided to wait until he was 3 yrs old. and worked out perfectly!! Good luck!
Thank u but I know she is ready it is jus hard what can I do to stop her from being so hard headed and stubborn
Kimberly, loosen up as it seems you have a battle on your hands. It was that eat for me to until I heard of love and logic. Check out their website http://www.loveandlogic.com but buy the books at amazon or half.com if your library doesn’t have them, cheaper. We aren’t born knowing how to parent and you can not force a child. Love your daughter, show her that she is loved and give her the logical reasoning she needs to make wise choices and I promise your relationship wil always be one of joy. It doesn’t make them perfect, they still are human but it makes them think before acting. Wish they had love and logic for politicians
Thank you I think I might do that
Kimberly, I struggled with potty training at the beginning too, and after a few days of fighting it, I just decided to wait until my daughter told me she was ready. She came to me one day and said “I wanna go potty.” I nearly peed MY pants with joy!
We never had a problem after that. So, be patient with her and with yourself, and good luck!
I needed this! Seriously! and I totally have motherhood induced ADD… In the madness and chaos that I find myself engulfed by daily, almost on a moment to moment basis, this was that refresh that helped me to realize I am NO ALONE in this madness filled craziness we call motherhood. Thank you for helping me to feel better about my morning! (I need to talk to that pre-school teacher too, haha). While I sit here, talking to my 3 year old (silently hoping she doesn’t wake up her newborn sister), scarfing down my now cold bowl of steal-cut oats, I am pleasantly content in my choas.
Cheers to all the Mommies, doing our best!
What a lovely comment, Shea! You are not alone. We all feel it, and I think every generation of mothers has dealt with it, but I think it’s multiplied to new levels these days for so many reasons. I’m so happy you were content in your chaos this morning!
Thank you! I finally have the label to call it when my husband asks me, “Why is there half folderd laundry in the family room, why does the counter look as though half was cleaned?” I pretty much leave a trail around the house of my good intentions!
I love, it Kathleen…. “a trail of good intentions.” Me, too! I’d love to see the look on your husband’s face when you tell him it’s due to “motherhood-induced ADD.”
Glad to know my thoughts helped you in some way!
THANKS YOU! that second to last paragraph was exactly what i needed to hear/read right now. i feel like there are a billion things going on in my life and my families life! i have a wondeful husband and a 17 month old son and life is crazy. i also run a daycare from my home. i try and take on too much and never seem to finish anything. yesterday i set out to clean the kitchen, like really clean it. and thats all i did, besides watch the kids. one day at a time, and somedays the entire day may be too much, so, one task at a time! thank you again, sometimes we need remiders to tell us its ok to take off the super mom/wife costume, because after all, it is just a costume.
Julie, getting through the kitchen clean is a huge accomplishment! If only I could cross that one off my to-do list in a single day! One day at at time, one task at a time, and a list that’s manageable–leaves you feeling good at the end of the day. I love your comment about taking off our costume. So true. Thank you!
I needed this article. I am constantly juggling 3 kids, a husband, homeschooling my oldest, potty training my youngest at the moment, and so many other things. I often feel guilty but this made me feel a little better. We often ignore ourselves to take care of our families. Its nice to know that I’m not alone in this!
This is great! Now, I know what is wrong with me. Motherhood ADD…now I can explain it to my husband:) Thanks Sarah and Christina G! I think I am laughing through the tears now:) My very physical and impulsive 3 year old boy needs me to just stop and play and focus on him…hard for us multi- taskers to do. Good luck to you all and thanks for the wonderful words!
This column was wonderful to read this morning. I literally have a pool table piled high with laundry, a very messy house, clean dishes to put away, dinner to plan, firewood to stack now that it’s been cut, a roof to put on a lambing shed before it rains again, a bedroom window to fix that the dog broke, a bathroom floor to revinyl that a dog tore up, a bathroom spiggot to repair that won’t shut off, thank you’s to get out with my kids for the 4H projects, sheep to haul to pasture, hay to get in the barn…. and I have a cup of coffee in the microwave as I write this that probably needs to be heated again. My sons are in the teen years and yes, the chaos does get “more”. Providing food for teen boys is a never ending task, not to mention friends that visit. But in all the craziness and all the exhaustion, I would not trade my role as their mom, and all that that role entails, for anything in the world. This is coming from a 24/7 single mom who’s ex hasn’t seen my boys in six years and another 2 years before that. I would not trade our lives for his help though. Good luck to all of you and get a mug that keeps coffee hot!
Oh my goodness, Cj! Kudos to you for everything you are doing for your children! What a remarkable woman you are. I love that at the end of the day, you are still grateful for everything this role brings you. What a wonderful reminder. And yes, I need a really good thermos! Why didn’t I think of that?
Love it Sarah! I am soooo right there with you. Learning to prioritize, say no, set boundaries on what I’m doing with my time… it is a crazy juggling act that only another mother can comprehend.
Being a mother is one of the most exciting, exhilarating, exhausting challenges I’ve ever faced and I love it and wouldn’t swap it for the world. My 2 year old daughter told me one day that she didn’t want to wear a nappy anymore and that was that. My son, when he was 2, was frightened off the whole idea by a dad who didn’t understand the whole concept of potty training and being gentle. It was really hard work to let go (not scare him any further) and start again a year later. He was still in diapers at kindergarden age 3 and a half and by the time he started school was confident of what to do. How do you teach boys to wash their hands properly and flush the loo?!
When my kids were young, my house was immaculate. Really. Now, a grandmother, my priorities have changed. I realize how much fun I missed with my children because I was driven to perfection, and didn’t even realize how wrong I was.
They grew fast, and are successful, productive adults. Their standards of a clean house are much more realistic than mine were, and their priorities are right on. But we can make many mistakes and our kids still thrive. The secret is if there is an abundance of love, everything else will fall into place. My advice to moms of young children: Enjoy them, set clear boundaries and stick to them, and make sure they feel loved, especially when they are annoying.