Mothering Teens – Ack!
Posted on July 19, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
Parenting a child through the teen years strikes fear into many a mom’s heart. We may sail through the terrible twos and breeze past the tweens, but once those true teenage years hit, we can find ourselves broadsided with a whole new set of rules and pitfalls.
Today, we invite you – whether you are currently parenting a teen, or looking ahead into the future – to submit your questions about how to be the best mom you can be during these challenging years. Your questions will be answered by some experts – teens. That’s right. The writing team of teenagers at the Radical Parenting blog will be reading your stories and queries and responding in a follow-up post which we’ll publish here next week. Vanessa Van Petten, founder of Radical Parenting, has also just announced the September release of her next book, Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded? Sounds like something I’ll want to read!
So – don’t hold back. What burning questions are you dying to ask? What’s the worst thing a mom can do to a teenager? What’s the best way to deal with conflict? How can you tell if your teenager is lying? How do you bridge the mom/friend gap? There are SO many things I’d like to know, but the floor is yours. Ask away!
I am struggling with getting my 15 year old son to spend one-on-one time with me. I have a 3 yr old and a 4 yr old that consume my time during the day so it’s very difficult for me to spend time with my older son. He doesn’t want to do anything with me! He will do activities with his dad (we are divorced) like attending sporting events, golfing, boating. I feel very left out and sad that there are only a few years left before he goes off to college and I want to make the most out of this time. Help!!
I myself have an 8 year old who is not at all into boys really yet but my question is when does everyone think it’s ok to allow your daughter to start dating? My husband seems to think boys and girls should have different rules with that, if it were up to him I think she would never date!!lol
Omg. I have a `14yo daughter that keeps saying she wants to spend time with me.. I have a 5yo son who consumes a lot of my time.. My kids have different dads(previous marraiges) So I feel like i have 2 only children.. with visitation and all.. We are trying to do an hour at nite after the lil guy goes to bed.. several times a week.. Maybe your son would be willing to at least spend an hour a nite with you??
Hi Kristeb,
I always get upset when I hear someone (and it is usually fathers) say that the rules of dating should be different for boys and girls. Your boys are dating “someones daughter”, so why should the respect you want for your own daughter be any different then the respect any other parent would ask for? Just making a point.
Well I have never really lied to my kids ever, if they asked questions about sex I gave them an age appropriate answer. STD were a whole new ballgame with internet pictures for him and her.
But now I find that my soon to be 14 year old is still struggling to communicate. I want him to go out in the world and be with friends and enjoy himself although I also want him safe and to always be mindful of his manners and safety rules. Which he has always done and he gets complimented on frequently. However how do I help him learn to communicate without stumbling (due to his own fears or unsure of what he wants to say) and how do I get him to understand that I want him to go out and be with people his age (if they aren’t soon to be jail assoc. ) but to be respectful of our time and others
How open do you teens really want us to be about sex? It’s a really fine (and uncomfortable) line that is very easy to stuck on one side of. And the rules are different these days!
We just don’t talk – I have a 15yr old daughter who I have never lied to, as person above when asked a question I have answered it – even the sex questions. However, we are at logger-heads. All I want is a bit of help, my husband and I both work full time and I feel for her to earn her pocket money she should help around the house – I only ask her to do a couple of jobs (dishes/kitchen each evening, her own washing and keep her room tidy). She has never earned her pocket money, we gave her money one weekend to go out with friends, loved it, thought it would spur her on, but no!!!!! How can I get her to appreciate money, working hard and going out (I know she wants to).
I am very open with my kids as well always have been, about any thing they ask or wanna talk about. When it came to raising my first 2 who was boys , I never had the whinning problem , now my 15 year old daughter whines all the time ,when i try to get her to do chores, or do things for her self . All i ask of her is to do dish once in a great while , keep her room tidy , and do her own laundry and you would think her world was at an end . Yet she thinks that my husband and i should give her money when she wants, and allow her to go when she wants , and if not she whines. how can i make her learn more responsiblity, but still not look like a bad mom.
My 17 y.o has a boyfriend that does not respect her or treat her well. I tried talking to her about it, ignoring it and now pretty much tell her she should break up with him and find someone who will treat her the way she deserves. They have been together a year. Even her friends are asking her why she puts up with him and telling her to leave him . I dont want to push her away, but she just doesnt want to see the truth in front of her. (BTW, my 15 y.o son has a girlfriend I love, so its not that I think no one would be good enough for my daughter). Help!
That’s exactly my problem Tonya – in fact I’ve just gone through it again about 5 mins ago – she’s now sulking in her bedroom and still not a dish has been done. My husband has even started being the one who asks but it’s still me that she takes it out on. However, I am told it doesn’t last – lets hope they come out the other side somewhat human.
My 14yo wants an allowance, her dad gives her money.. I feel she should earn it( her dad and I are divorced) I have offered her rewards for good grades, that didnt work.. She is now suffering the consequences of not having an acceptable final average in school, so she is not going on a camping trip with us.. She wants money , but doesnt want to earn it.. What is it with the entitlement attitude of teens today???
What do teens nowadays and parents think about sending very troubled teens to programs or boot camps to help them get sober or reform them from being abusive of drugs and alcohol. Some parents are often in dilemma whenever they are in a situation where the teens are already too difficult to control and are leading a very troublesome and crooked road, not even thinking how their families would feel about all their misbehaving. It’s probably a tough decision to do, but then again, what options do we have? We are often left with questions like this – http://www.teenbootcamps.org/boot-camps/when-is-the-right-time-to-send-your-teen-to-a-teen-boot-camp.html. I’ll appreciate any views on this.