No one ever told me …
Posted on July 30, 2009 by FoBaM-Jamie
There is so much about parenting that’s impossible to understand until you’re in the middle of it. When I announced my pregnancy, friends with kids of their own were bursting to share their experiences and well-intentioned advice. I bravely heard all kinds of birth stories, listened apprehensively to laments of never-ending sleep deprivation, was slightly horrified by overly graphic tales involving diaper explosions and projectile vomiting, and felt a warm and fuzzy feeling growing in my heart as my friends talked about those amazing first words and first steps.
But there were some things that seem to have gotten lost in the mix. For instance, no one told me that the average child is born with a strange compulsion to put things up his nose. And no one enlightened me about the joys of playgroup politics. Until I was pulling away from the hospital for the first time after my daughter’s birth, I had no idea how heart-stoppingly frightening the simple act of driving could become.
What surprised you most about motherhood? What were the most and least pleasant surprises? Do you try to enlighten other parents-to-be (or those with kids younger than yours)about what to expect, or do you prefer to sit back and see what happens as they make these discoveries for themselves?
I have never felt my heart hurt as much before over my son crying at night time….or the anxiety of leaving him with the babysitter for the first time,….Or how my heart smiles over the smallest things he does.
I never knew this kind of love,pain,joy and simple pleasures before my son came in to my life.
My greatest surprise was how much more difficult it is to have two kids. My daughters are ten years apart and soo completely different.
My 14 year old is one of those rare children who was born obedient. She always does just as she’s told and rarely argues. Her sister, on the other hand, is such a stinker and seems to argue just for the sake of arguing. She’s loud, bossy, full of energy and can’t seem to keep her hands to herself.
I was so proud when the oldest was little. I had done everything right, and that’s why she was so perfect. Apparently not the case, or I forgot all of the right things in the ten years that separate them.
Angel or stinker though, the amount of love I give and receive is my greatest source of amazement.
OMG Nancy I can so relate to your post! I have 2 boys and they are about 4 yrs apart, 8 and 4. My first is like your second! So full of energy or like we say piss and vinegar, LOL!!! He also doesn’t listen, argues for the sake of it and is constantly hitting his little bro. My second is an angel and is the sweetest child. He is the sunshine to his brother’s clouds. My hubby and I always say that if he was our first we’d have 4 by now! All that said, it’s amazing how two people from the same parents can be so different. I’m learning so much from them about everything from emotions to why one perfers something to the other. Everyday I feel so blessed to receive their love and share experiences with them. Having children is like your heart walking around outside of your body. Even with the ups and downs of life, my kids keep me grounded in reality and never cease to amaze me daily!
My husband and I always say becoming a parent is the best and the worst thing that could happen to you all wrapped up in one beautiful little child.
I never knew that I would get both protective and fearful for the first time in my life…I used to be a daredevil, unafraid of most anything. Now, not only am I protective of him, I’m more protective of me because he needs me.
I never knew the meaning of unconditional love until I had my children. I love seeing everything again thru the eyes of my kids and there is nothing sweeter in life than watching your child’s face light up when you walk into a room. What more could you ask for?
Being a mom is a joy, but truly a lot of work. I am true believe in moms raising there kids:) Kids need there momies more that anything in the World!!!
I never knew the amount of work and emotional whirlwind that I would be on raising two boys. By all means this is the hardest job I have ever had, but the best one. I have never learned so much about myself or the real meaning of unconditional love. Although some days are a struggle I wouldnt trade this profession for anything else in the world. My boys are my center and my lifeline.
how much work goes into raising a child nor of the unconditional love that child has for you an you of him/her!! how much it shreds your heart when your child is hurt or when you first hear “I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!”
No one every prepared me for the pain that comes when your children start school and spend their waking hours more away from you than with you. Also, I have a senior this year and my heart is breaking knowing that I have to let him go next year. It is my prayer that he will soar on eagle’s wings and all his dreams come true. Moms just want to protect their children, no matter what age they are.
I never realized how difficult it is to get out of the house. By the time we eat breakfast (and clean up from breakfast), down a couple cups of coffee (me), change the baby’s clothes, and take a shower it’s 9 or 10 already. At that point, I’m thinking lunch is at 11 and nap is shortly after, we might as well stay home….and we spend another day trapped in the house.
I recently discovered the Rookie Mom’s Handbook and blog. With a dose of humor, and candid reality, those gals provide tons of motivation and ideas to get you out. Oh, how I wish I would have had that book from the beginning! http://www.rookiemoms.com/
Like all the other posts, my child is my heart and soul…I would gladly give my life for her, and until she was born, I never truly understood un-conditional love.
BUT…I think maybe you were looking for stories that were never told to you, expectations that you’re never prepared for-so here goes one of my many war stories!!
Kaitlyn is 3 1/2 (totally necessary to include the 1/2, LOL!). She has a fascination with pens and markers. On Saturdays, she has a tendency to wake up around 6:30 or 7:00-way to early for Mommy. So we put in a video, she swears she’ll be good, and I figure, Hey, she’s right here next to me-how much damage can she do? When I woke up, she had covered -and I do mean covered-herself with a pen she had found somewhere.Not only was she inked up, so were the walls to my mom’s house. We couldn’t get the ink completely off of her, despite numerous scrubbings. So she went to pre-school with inky legs and hands, and her toenails were black and purple-my neice had painted them w/o my knowledge. I’m sure them think I’m a horrible mom, but hey-what else could I do? I love her, but she can truly be a little imp sometimes
The most perfect moments are the little ones: the sound of his baby talk, his little feet stomping through the house in the early morning, the smile on his face when I first open his door in the morning, the way he runs into my arms, seeing his face when he discovers something for himself, hearing him call for me to show me the mess he made. The little things, the things that make you laugh or your heart just melt, that is the good stuff. I want to lock every moment up to keep forever.
Noone told me how much we would discuss Poop. LOL! Did he have a bowel movement today? What was the consistency? Does he seem sick? It’s so gross! Maybe that’s why noone told us. : ) Or maybe we’re the only ones who discuss it. Haha!
The best story I could think of happened a few weeks ago when my 2 1/2 yr old, Emma, decided to take upon herself to change my 1 yr old, Zaden, diaper. She had told me that he was poopy, however I was in the middle of making lunch and could not get to him that second. I hear from the other room, Emma calling for me, but didn’t put it together that she would actually change him. After about the 3rd time she called me, I went to investigate, only to find Zaden with his diaper open full of poop and poop on his leg & foot. Then there was Emma, poop on hands and gagging, which made me gag. Two baths later and cleaning of the carpet, everything was back to “normal”.
No one told me just how much you come to fear Christmas and birthdays because of noisy toys… or how much control over your anger you’ll have to develop because your kids will find something you like and leave it in pieces all over the house… or how sweet it is to have your little boy wrap his arms around your neck and whisper “I love you mommy, you’re my best friend” before giving you a duck-lip smooch on the cheek. Or that you’ll need an arm for every kid. I heard plenty of stories about bodily functions and potty training, and details about delivery that would make the hair stand up on your neck – and none of those stories helped because they were about someone else’s kids. I had to discover those stories with my own children… and boy do I have some doozies.
no one told me my kids would make me laugh and cry harder than i ever have before. DH and I wind up laughing so hard sometimes we can’t see through the tears!
I have three kids so there are plenty things I could write but the one I guess that I will always remember the most is the night I came in&my son was on the floor with kitchen knives laying on his chest&tomato ketchup all around them-He thought it very funny but to this day I don’t laugh about it too much
ok, so you’ve seen the show “kids say the darndest things”… Well, they do! I have a 4 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. A couple of years ago, my son saw me change my daughters diaper and asked me where her wee-wee went. I explained that’s what makes sissy a girl. With that, he just left the subject matter alone, and I didn’t hear anything else about it for months. Then, about 3 months after that happened, my son and I were in the checkout line at the grocery store when all of a sudden, sitting in the buggy, he started focusing on something. You could see the wheels turning in his little head. Before I had a chance to ask him what he was looking at, he pointed at an older man standing in line behind us and announced to everyone in the crowded store “Mommy, he’s a boy because he has a wee-wee!!” I about died! I felt my face turn bright red as everyone within a 2 block radius was laughing hysterically at us! And of course, I couldn’t get on to him for something like that. All I could do was shush him and say yes,, you are right. I quickly turned to the man behind us and apologized. Once he was able to breathe from laughing so hard, he told me that was the cutest thing he has seen in a long time and it just made his day. moral of the story: kids say the darndest things… and it can happen to you!
A tip for getting a Sharpie marker (or any other kind of marker) off of walls—use a “Mr. Clean Magic Eraser” with a little bit of rubbing alcohol. With a little bit of “elbow grease” it will come right off a wall (and it’s even safe to use on the kid, using extra caution on the face)
How amazing it is that each “first” continues to thrill your heart. Their first sound, laugh, roll-over, smile, recognizing your voice, etc….it never gets old and is such a joy to watch them grow. I also never knew how some things do NOT come so naturally, like breastfeeding, knowing which cry is for what, learning to become totally selfless…..but all oh so worth it! <3
No one ever told me that my kids, who are all adults now, would think that I knew all the answers!
No one told me that toddler was a language I would not only have to learn to speak fluently but also be able to interpret. Then there is the toddlers endless fascination with poop and its aplication as wall and body paint-sooo gross.
No one tells you how happy, sad, anxious, nervous, crazy, scattered that you can feel all at once when you are a parent.
But at the same time that you feel all these things, the one true emotion that you feel is unconditional love.
You brought these people into the world and you mold and share with them the values and morals that you hope will make them into wonderful human beings.
The hardest job that one person will ever have, and never receive any monetary gratification from.
But when you get those hugs and kisses at the end of the day, OH so so worth it.
No one ever told me that I would work so hard to give them their independence: teaching them safety;manners;etiquette;fostering common sense and that I would cry like I never cried before when my oldest (15) would take her first flight BY HERSELF. I’m so proud of her but so afraid that all the little birds in the house will have wings soon…
I never contemplated constant worrying that comes along with allowing your child to have their free agency, hoping that deep down their true desires are as you would want them to be. It is a bitter sweet thing, ‘free agency’, because sometimes it brings you the greatest joy yet may also bring you the greatest sorrow. It seems as though it would be so much easier just to be a dictator. Through the childhood era we, as parents, are given the opportunity to teach. I guess we can just do our best as parents and hope and pray for the best, then come what may.
it’s funny, that feeling that overcomes you, in the delivery room, when you first hear and see your child…like any life you had before that moment ceases to exist, and the overwhelming sense of responsibility, love, and loyalty come into play immediatley…then, NO SLEEP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!! no one ever talks about the colic, teething,potty training, and how hard it really is….but, you watch them, and see them grow, and nurture and love them, and reap all the rewards that motherhood brings, and realize at the end of an exhausting day…IT IS ALL WORTH IT AND THANK THE LORD FOR THEM!!!
No one told me that I would cry every time I have to take my child to the doctor for shots or a serious illness. I hate having to hold my children down to intentionally inflict pain on them (although I am a firm believer in vaccinations).
No one told me that something so small could make me so angry at it or, on the other side, willing to do whatever necessary to protect it.
No one told me breast feeding hurts and is hard, but so worth the effort in my case.
No one told me that could love something so instantaneously or so deeply that it hurts despite the complete upheaval of your life!
so true! and even more so now that i’m a grandmom!
my biggest surprise as a mother was the one thing my mom always said, she loved all us kids the same amoutn I didnt believe it, i have 3 kids & i love them all equally for each of their uniqueness…..i give advice about parenting only if asked & then i keep it simple & make to sure to say EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT!!!
No body ever told me about the dramatic flairs my daughter would have. If I tell her no ice cream until after dinner, she stomps off to her room claiming that I told her she could NEVER have ice cream EVER EVER again. *Sighs* It’s like that over everything. But it’s the best job ever!! I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Being a wife and mother is wonderful and rewarding. I love my life and my two children are my joy and greatest treasures.
Because I’m an older mother and have nieces and nephews much older that my own, there was really nothing that surprised me too much.
However, when both of my children were very young, they both went through a phase of saying bad words. Only thing is, it was always in public. YIKES! Talk about embarassing.
Well, I have been a Mother for a long time, and it’s not all good for sure, nor is it all terrible. When I went into labor with my second son, we went to the hospital etc, but as I was rolling down the hall, the wheelchair wheel came off and kind of rolled down the hall on its own. Well, he’s that kind of kid/person ! Does his own thing if all his wheels are attached or not. Just kidding. The thing about being a Mother is that they , despite all your best and worst efforts, GROW UP. Oh my heck. Then it starts all over again. I never regret having children, but if I went back and did it again, I think I would have done a better job, but all hindsight is 20/20, isn’t it ?
The first time I went to the store after having my little girl I was faced with what I call the cart coral dilema.
I am one of those people who likes to return the shopping cart to the cart coral, not leave it sitting in an unused parking space hindering the next persons ability to park. So I got out of the store, unloaded groceries into car, got Grace bucked in her car seat and realized the returning of the shopping cart required masterful problem solving. The cart coral was half way across the parking lot. What is one to do? Leave baby in car while returning cart?! NO. Unbuckle baby, put her back in cart , return the cart then carry her back to car? So much work! OR just abandon my shopping cart based morality for that one time and leave the shopping cart where it stood? I opted to let the cart stand, with the self assigned condition that forever after I will park as close to the cart coral as possible.
I never knew how joyful it could be to hear your little girl point to her high chair and say…BUCKLE. Or how many times she would then say it to make you smile
LOL!
Still, it isn’t always adorable…I also never knew that most babies will, at some point, have a monkey style poop fest in their bed…YIKES!! My relatives are all laughing as I tell the story of my son…and later my daughter (and one day, without fail, my newborn on the way) had explosive diapers in the night and felt the need to spread the poo on any and everything in sight, yup, this includes there own little selves face and all!!! Funny now, not funny in the moment…by the way, the best option here is to stick that baby fully dressed in your kitchen sink…jammies and all
No one ever told me that toddlers will not only take their diapers off but actually eat their own crap. Yup, my son has done it.
I didnt know just how much of myself i would lose after having a child. sometimes, sadly, i feel like im just a mommy robot, there only to serve every desire of my children. trying to find the balance between robot and human is very hard.
that said, there is nothing more amazing then looking at your child and knowing you grew that tiny body, protecting it and nurturing it, and knowing now it is your grand responsibility to raise and care of it. its very rewarding. every accomplishment of theirs feels like it is one of mine also. being a mother is the best and hardest experience of my life.
Omg no one ever told me how good of a memory children have. Holy you know what!!! My daughter has shared sooooo many stories with others that I would have never shared because a) it’s not for me to share b) too embarassing or c) I had completely forgotton about it. So becareful what you say infront of your little ones!!!!
No one ever told me that you don’t stop worrying about your children after they are married. I thought that once they were all grown up, with a wife and their own children, you wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Not so! You still worry, just as much, but about different kinds of things.
No one told me how much you worry, starting with being pregnant…the worries just change the older they get. I asked my mom and she said she still worries about all her kids – and we are all grown up, married, and moved out!
Growing up though we are close as a family we never felt that bond between us kids and our parents. So having my son made me realize just how much you can actually have love for someone. He brightens my day on the worst of days. Theres not a day that goes by that I cant help but express it to him. Though theres problems with his father and I at this pt in time, I could never regret that relationship because it brought my baby boy to me.
No one ever told me that I would lose a big chunk of my identity when I became a mother. No one ever told me that I would have little to talk about that didn’t refer to my children, even as a working mom with several hobbies. No one ever told me that I would be happy to see the delivery man, mail man and any body looking for directions just so I would have an adult to talk to.
No one ever told me that there would come a time when I didn’t know everything there was to know about my children. No one ever told me how angry they could make me, and how proud all in the same day. No one ever told me that my children could be so wonderfully different from each other. And no one ever told me how much time I would spend trying to make sure that they have everything they need and many of the things they want. I had heard about unconditional love, but before I became a mom, I didn’t understand how it was possible.
Nobody ever told me I would be consistently covered in puke, snot and poop for the first few years. And nobody ever told me that I would wake up one day and have 2 teenage boys going through puberty, growing facial hair, discussing college and falling in love. It’s been an incredible journey so far.
One more thing no one told me…that my son would take a dump in a public park sand box. (He told me he was just like the kitty) Can’t wait to share this one with a girlfriend one day! My kids are the best, and no one can prepare you for this journey
I never knew how much in a split second I could change my whole life until I held my 1st child.I never knew such heartbreak and pain until my 3rd child passed away.And never knew a love and protectiveness so strong existed until I became Mother.
No one ever told me that when I had my son I would know what it feels like to have my heart outside of my body.
No one ever told me that I would use phrases like, “He’s perfection in a diaper.”
No one ever told me that I could love more deeply than I ever had before.
No one ever told me that love could feel so pure..no games, no hurt……just love.
I thought I knew a love this deep and intense before, but I was SO wrong.
No one ever told me that you would be doing the hardest job ever without any job training. Even with all thew books I read before and after my two year old was born did not prepare for the ups and downs. Especially the downs, when the mother-in-law say that not how I did it or someone in the supoermarket looks at you as if you are the worst mother in the world. But to tell you the truth I lay awake at night and wonder what my life was like without him and I always say this is the best adventure of my life.