A Mother’s Strength
Posted on March 29, 2011 by FoBaM-Jamie
There are days when being someone’s mom takes everything out of me. As much as I love my little girl – to absolute pieces – motherhood has a way of cutting through me, right to my soft and gooey center. No other experience – not adolescence, not my first job, not my marriage or my divorce – can strip away my frail defenses, self delusions, and foolish expectations the way motherhood does. You cannot fool motherhood – she knows all your deepest, darkest secrets. She knows your weak spots, your fears, and which buttons to push. In her eyes, you are forever as naked as you were on the day you were born.
But, motherhood is complex. Though it may peel away layers of what-you-thought-you-knew, leaving you exposed and sometimes raw, motherhood replaces those lost layers with new ones – the hard-earned gossamer armor of a mom’s experience. Mothers bear, overcome, and survive all kinds of things – from the simple, daily challenges that test our patience and will, to the unspeakable tragedies that change our lives and hearts forever. Every day, moms everywhere, all over the world discover inner fortitude, ingenuity, and passion that they never knew they possessed. They discover their strength.
The power of a mother’s strength comes from her heart, from her unabashed, unconditional, and unwavering love for her child. There is, as J.K. Rowling wrote in her Harry Potter books, a magic in that love. No matter what happens, a mother is always there for her child. A mother’s love is never to be questioned, and – though she may not know it at first – neither is her strength.
I am lucky. Though my journey as someone’s mom has had its share of minor trials and tribulations, the scars they’ve left will fade with time. The battle of wills that left my daughter and me in tears on the bathroom floor will become a tender memory. The trauma of her broken arm will be reduced to a handful of photos depicting a toddler with a bright pink cast. The tiny scar over her left eye – souvenir from a tumble off her scooter – will fade to near invisibility. These are small tests that challenged me for a moment, but ultimately made me stronger – more able to bear fear, uncertainty, and worry. They proved to me that I could sit in the emergency room on a Friday afternoon with my daughter’s arm broken in two places and not fall apart right there on the spot.
Each of us has overcome these momentary blows. A child gets sick, breaks a bone, or has to be hospitalized. Then there are the matters of the heart – testing a mother perhaps even more as she watches her child suffer embarrassment, disappointment, or heartbreak. No mother wants her child to suffer in any way, but life is unfair like that. So, we do what we can to provide support, comfort, and protection. And we grow strong enough to bear their hurt as well as our own.
Like I said, I’ve been lucky. But I know many mothers who have faced much greater challenges and shown a strength and grace many times my own. Some of them I’ve only known from a distance – reading their words as they shared their terrible tragedy through a blog, crying out the only way they knew how and at the same time bringing comfort to other moms who have lived through similar horrors. Some of these moms I know personally. I marvel at their ability to keep moving forward even as they wake each day to the same nightmare – the loss of a child, a debilitating disease, a future that has been diverted from a mother’s hopes and dreams. I wonder if I would have the same will to keep doing what I had to do, to keep loving with such tender ferocity, to never ever give up, to put my own grief aside so that I might offer comfort to someone else.
Whether a mother’s strength is being tested by sleep deprivation, a fussy toddler, a rebellious teen, a child’s illness, or her own broken heart, the person most able to understand, to offer solace, to help her keep putting one foot in front of the other is another mom. I’m so grateful for all the moms who have come to my aid with advice, commiseration, and a shoulder to cry on. From my own mother to virtual mom friends I’ve never met in real life, these women teach me each day about a mother’s strength, about my own strength.
Motherhood may cut you deeply, bring you to your knees on some days; but it also brings a strength that may surprise you. Here’s to all the mothers – being strong for their children and for each other.
In support of moms helping moms through the crises of illness and loss, we have opened up a new group in our Fans of Being a Mom community: Strong Moms – Support in times of need. If you are a mom in need of support, know a mom who could use some support, or have some support to offer, we hope you’ll become part of the Strong Moms group.
Image Credit: GS1311
Wow, this hits me right at home. I’ve been feeling that testing a lot lately, and you’re right that it makes you stronger a little bit at a time. Although we have our share of extra challenges (my daughter has a chromosomal disorder that’s causing developmental delays), I am constantly reminded that others have much more painful situations to deal with. Yes, I’m doing my best with the situation we’re in, and it’s really hard sometimes. But it sure helps my attitude when I count my blessings instead of my hardships. Thanks for your post.
as if I needed a reason to cry. lol. Just beautiful.
In June of 2009, my 13 year old son came home from soccer practice and I delivered the news his dad had died of a sudden and immediate heart attack; close does not begin to describe their relationship. The grief has ebbed, the flashbacks have lessened but I will the look in my son’s eyes was burned into my soul and heart for ever more. Strength came from many but mom’s got it without words.
Thanks for your post.
Very well written, only a mother knows what a mother goes through. One is never prepared for motherhood no matter how many books or classes we take, but as soon as we hold our child and look into their eyes it just comes to you. Sometimes it is not easy, especially if there are special needs, or problems (whether emotional or financial involved) but there is nothing that fills your soul like holding your child and knowing that they feel safe in your arms. I am 34 years old and no matter how old I am, that I am married and now a mother of two kids I feel the safest when I am around my own mother!
My (almost) 8 month old daughter has a huge lump under her right arm. It’s soft and fatty tissue, but the process that me and my fiancée are now going through to have it looked at just surpasses anything else in my life. I have had a series of close family members pass away and coming down with different types of cancer, but the possibility of my own daughter having something that could potentially take her away from me, is a whole other world of hurt. So far she has seen two doctors and is scheduled for an MRI in just a few short weeks. We all are hoping that it’s nothing serious but then doesn’t everyone wish that? I feel that I might have let my baby down, because she’s had a slow growing lump right there since she was about 3 months old, but we thought it was just fat that would eventually go away with time and the more active she got. It only grew. The ultrasounds they have done on this lump provides insight that there are many blood vessels that run through it. But everyday, every time I look into her eyes, see her playing, see all of the progress she is making, watching her beginning to crawl and trying to talk, standing up on her own, makes me thing that there is NO way GOD could let me have all of this happiness then just take it away in a blink of an eye. I grew up without a father, but had my grandfather step in to act like a father figure to me, then he passed away, my mother wasn’t really interested in being a mother. When my now fiancée and I found out we were pregnant, it was tumultuous at first but we grew happy to the thought, and the idea of being a real family. But everyday we spend with her, we are glad for it, She’s the reason I wake up every morning excited, because I know it’s another day that I get to be with her. During doctor visits, I don’t think about the what if’s, those only come at night or reading a post like this. Those what if’s are the enemy because they will keep you up at night and worried so much that you’re sick with it. We’ve already decided that whatever happens happens, and we’re not letting what if’s play a part. To walk in a facility where there are so many children hanging on that does have cancer was life changing our first visit. But I refuse to believe that it’s that. After reading this, I realize the strength that I have in myself as a mother to be able to walk in calmly, talk to a surgeon about a possible removal surgery for my 8 month old baby girl calmly, and then go home and still act like everything is normal for her sake, is the greatest strength that I have ever displayed.
Wow! This makes me think of mom own mom and her struggle with cancer while she had two teenage daughters. She handled it with grace and dignity, despite terrible pain and sickness. That’s the strength a mom has for her kids.