Today’s guest post is another gem from Renee DeLmuca Deans. As the mother of three boys, she knows about the rules of sickness all too well. We’re loving her suggestions on how to make sick time more bearable and would like to know who we can petition to get these changes made. Enjoy!

I think the only thing worse than one of my kids being sick is all three of my kids being sick. I mean, after the first one is down and out and demanding my full-time attention, I’m not really looking for anyone else to join the germ party but it always seems to happen anyway. Right now even the dog is giving me the “love me, hold me, make me feel better” stink eye but luckily I can hold her off with a bone and an old sock for at least a little while.

This infected trifecta has made me quickly realize that what parents need is a giant overhaul of the sickness rules of engagement. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little bit of karmic retribution in exchange for the hours we’ll spend pacing the floor with a feverish baby or cuddling in front of the TV with our ailing toddlers. My proposed updates to the rules are as follows:

1. While I’m out running around picking up medications for all three sick kids, I’d like to remain totally unrecognizable. If you do still notice me through my cloak of invisibility, please do the right thing and keep on walking. Honestly, I think Bush was President the last time I showered, “cookies” is the answer to what I’ve eaten for my last five meals and for some reason I thought a stick of Cinnamon Trident just seemed faster than brushing my teeth this morning but I totally want to stop and chat with you about the new preschool teacher. Like I said: Just. Keep. Walking.
2. If I have finally convinced my 6-year old to take his medicine and the baby happens to throw up at the same time, it should be okay to let the puppy take over and clean that one up. Of course I would never do that, and it definitely didn’t happen at my house earlier this morning because that would be gross, but just in case it happens to anyone else I thought this would be nice to include.
3. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, but it really wouldn’t be a bad idea for my local liquor store to start delivering wine. They could just do it for people who have heard the words, “Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mom! Mommmmm!” in rapid succession for the last four days straight. They also could see a real business boom if they’d throw in a healthy, home cooked meal with that bottle of Pinot. And maybe do my laundry too.
4. Kisses really should cure everything. They’re way cheaper than medicine and way more fun to administer even when the patient happens to be a contagious, mucous-spewing little mess.
5. There really needs to be some sort of Buy One, Get One Free system here. One kid home sick from school? Sure, I can handle that. But all three kids home? At the same time? I think that’s a bit much to expect from any sane adult. The middle one isn’t even that sick, I’d peg him somewhere around a 4.2 on the germ-spreading scale. The fact that I just invented that scale is inconsequential, all it really means is that I should be allowed to pawn off my least sick kid for the sake of my own mental well-being.
6. This one’s the most important one – when our little ones are miserable and so sick all they can do is whine and look to us to make them feel better, we really need to be able to take some of that sickness for them. I can handle a cold and a fever much better than my babies can so bring it on. Just don’t let my husband have access to this power because as much as he’d do absolutely anything for our boys, he’s a huge wimp when he’s sick. HUGE wimp. And my hands are already full with the kids I gave birth to.

Renee is a married, full-time mother of three animated boys and two almost-as-animated dogs. Most days she can be found pounding coffee, playing cars, dressing up as the Super Mario Brothers and watching the world through her three boys’ eyes. Renee is a passionate cook who spends almost as much time finding new recipes as she does figuring out ways to convince her kids to eat them.